Initial titles for this blog were Pissed Off and Deep Case of The Shits, but I decided my subscribers might not like receiving those message titles in their in-boxes. So I’ve downgraded it to Anger Management (after flirting with a piss-weak Really, Really Cross), which barely scratches the surface of how cranky I am.
I vented my fury this morning on a nervous, silent Sprog 2, treating her to a big, long rant along the lines of: “How would you like it if you had to spend the whole day tidying up the house? Because that’s what Mummy is going to spend all day doing … AND IT’S JUST NOT FAIR … sniffle …”
Speaking of messages in my in-box, Lorna Jayne sent me one this week called “What makes you HAPPY”. Lorna seems to think her sale will make me happy, but she’s wrong. Here’s what would really make me happy:
* A child who remembers her own fricking keyboard for keyboard lessons, so I don’t have to drive home after school drop-off and get it.
* A child who notices her school clothes are covered in food and changes them before I belatedly realising the disaster at school drop-off. Fortunately I was already going home for the keyboard so I could grab a clean skirt while I was at it.
* Children who don’t put all their dirty clothes back in the cupboard when I make them tidy their rooms, so I don’t know they need to be washed. Those undies are RANK.
* A toilet that’s not constantly brimming with old, smelly, yellow urine. (How many times do I have to ask? How bloody hard is it to FLUSH?)
* A husband who stops accepting non-paying additional-to-his-job roles that mean he’s too tired to do anything other than watch tellie when he gets home at night (My god I HATE cooking dinner AND washing up AND tidying up the fricking house every damn day.)
* A house that doesn’t constantly look like a hurricane has ripped through it. Mrs Woog reckons this is what relaxing and lowering your standards looks like … pffft, that’s what my house looks like “tidy” … If you really want to know what lowering your standards looks like Mrs Woog, see examples A, B and C, below …
And, just for the record, it doesn’t make me feel more relaxed living this way. It makes me feel like a slattern.
But what weighs heaviest on me is the sense it’s my responsibility because I don’t have a job. Cooking, cleaning and hustling the kids around are my occupation … when I’m not blogging. As much as I resent Husband for coming home at 8pm every night and parking himself on the couch (after reading the Sprogs a chapter of Deltora Quest, I must admit) with his microwaved dinner, ignoring the dirty dishes in the sink, then waking the next morning, getting himself – and just himself – ready for work and escaping leaving at 8am, is it really fair to expect him to work insanely long hours then tackle household duties as well?
I don’t think so.
But what happens when/if I get a job?
Hell in a hand basket.
That’s what.
In the meantime, Husband has promised to organise a three-day conference to discuss all my grievances/fears/simmering resentments … as soon as the non-paying-sacrificing-two-days-of-his-holidays-plus-one-day-of-his-weekend three-day conference he’s attending this week is over.
Hurrah. No exclamation mark.
housegoeshome 
at least he aint the kind that walks in, dumps dirty, smelly work boots on the loungeroom floor & when u ask him to put them outside tells you its your job to, not his, he works & brings in the $$ – i have a friend that deals with that kind of arsehole every day!!!
I totally identify with your problem. Firstly, because my parents are ridiculously tidy and I felt very constrained by it as a child. Secondly, because our house often looked like this and I felt powerless to improve it unless I picked up every item myself, which only when I could find the time.
But, after a year and half of Paul and I working from home while living in a two bed flat with three, we have got on top of it. (It only looks messy most days in stead of catastrophic!)
So with a bit of perspective, this is what I suggest.
First Step: You as a family have a conference to discuss what you expect from your kids when playing and tidying up later.
I feel like you need to ask Husband to take on the role of Bad Cop in this matter. Because you feel conflicted when you ask them to tidy but mostly you are there being Bad Cop from 8am – 8pm.
Second step: Husband supervises a number of room cleans and play room cleans. It will require you to help clearly organise which toys go where (the clearer the better, so the kids don’t pretend to be confused).
It will then require Husband to take the lead role on the weekends you both choose to clean. This will reinforce that this is a family matter, not just Mum nagging, to make sure the house is clean.
Third step: When your girls are getting to grip with the general clean ups. You move towards, clean as you go clean ups. This can happen best a the first day or two after a major clean up. So, you can clearly see which child has messed up which area and they can take responsibility for putting away their stuff.
Fourth step: Husband reminds kids (after you ask him) in the morning before he goes to work that they need to keep their rooms tidy, do homework or whatever else they are letting slide and have stopped listening to you about.
I know this sounds a little traditional, making the Husband the authoritarian but like I said, you are there 24/7 being good cop, bad cop and it’s not like he is undermining you but supporting you in your requests for more help. And besides, he is lovely, it will do him good to be the Bad Cop!!
And I can tell you, I feel more than OK, reminding my munchkins to tidy now, all the guilt has gone.
Good luck, Alana!
Now can someone help me with constantly bickering, brawling children!! It’s driving me crazy.
Wow, how did you write such fab advice so fast? Am awed. And as a commenter on Mamamia said, if you get advice and don’t take it, you’re just whingeing.
I would totally make him tiddy up. But I’m the mean one out of the two.
My house looks just like this and it does impact on our lives, the old CHAOS can’t have anyone over syndrome that Flylady talks about is well and truly alive at our place. It doesn’t matter whether I’m a SAHM or a working mum it is always out of control.
Just this morning I went into Sprog 1’s room looking for something and she’s done it again, all her shoes and dirty clothes just shoved into the cupboard after being told to tidy up. Argh!!!!