Day 13: peeing in a bin/mistaken for a grannie

I was mistaken for Sprog 2’s grandmother by a waiter yesterday. These things are bound to happen, you might think, when a 44-year-old mother has a six-year-old daughter. But it gets worse. Initially, I convinced myself he was just talking to my father: “Is she your granddaughter?” he asked, enraptured by Sprog 2’s blue eyes, increasingly blonde hair and new, rainbow-hued pareo. “Yes, she is,” my father answered. “Who do you look like,” the waiter asked Sprog 2, “Your mother or your father?” Now, I was sitting right there and hadn’t received a second glance during this conversation. Because I couldn’t possibly be the mother. That meant he thought I was a) the grandmother, married to my 72-year-old father, b) my father’s slightly younger second wife, c) the haggard maiden aunt or d) the nanny. So I growled, “I’m the mother, so obviously she didn’t get her looks from me.” That got rid of him. And with him went a few last vestiges of my self-confidence. So the Sprogs watched Transformers at the cinema while I sweated some cocktails away at the gym (pity wrinkles can’t be sweated away too). Oh, and Bora Bora? Hot. Really, really hot. If you decide to go there on your second honeymoon, don’t stay on the main island. No beaches (well, not as we know them, spoilt Aussies). My dad stayed at one of the luxury bungalows out over the water opposite the main island once. He swears it’s the most beautiful place in the world (after Australia). But those bungalows don’t come cheap – $1000 a night, he had a freebie – which rules them out for most people. I reckon Port Douglas would make a nice plan B, if you can make do without the dazzling, azure water and stingrays. Just as hot, just as lush and much closer. PS Update for friends of Sister: she went snorkeling with sharks and stingrays again yesterday. One fell in love with her and kept giving her big hugs. She screamed a lot. She also stepped on a sea urchin. But Nephew was stoked to wee on her foot as an antiseptic measure, which she’s hoping means it doesn’t tropically ulcerate and require expensive on-board medical treatment.PPS Sister informed me as we were side-by-side on the stepper machines that there’s a part 2 to the story. She got Nephew to pee into the cabin’s garbage bin, then stuck her foot in it for 30 minutes as an extra precaution. Current cruise highlight for Nephew.PPSS Last night’s headliner show starred a mime artist. Or, as his act was summarized in the daily newsletter, “laughter, comedy and, mime”, with three-legged namesake dolls for sale in the foyer afterwards. Every bit as awesome as it sounds.PPPSS Nonna has uncovered extra intelligence on our dining companions/threesome after encountering the friend at a bar. Turns out the friend belongs to the husband, not the wife. They met at karaoke. Friend isn’t having much fun sharing a cabin with Husband, Wife and Child because Wife has been making bitchy remarks and refusing to let Husband go out until 3am and get plastered with Friend every night. How any of this comes as a surprise to Friend is quite beyond me.