It’s not often I get use discombobulated in a sentence, so I’d like to say a big thank you to the Aussie weekly mags for making it possible. I forgot to visit a newsstand yesterday. (What’s wrong with me? I hope I haven’t caught the mag malaise that’s sweeping the nation.) So I headed to the shops this morning to see what I’d missed. And I was thrown. I froze for a moment, all freaked out. I thought, have I stepped back in time? Scott and Charlene getting married, Antonio cheating on Melanie … what the? I furtively glanced around the shopping centre, nothing else seemed to have changed. It was still 2012, not 1987. So I had another good, long stare at Scott and Charlene’s wedding photo and thought, well, at least they made me look. But, being completely uninvested in Scott and Charlene the first time around, I wasn’t tempted to slap down my cash. I felt a vague stirring of interest in whether Antonio’s cheating was why Melanie looks like a shrunken Egyptian mummy these days. But it was immediately snuffed out by the “Evil Killer Mums” sub-story. This included my school friend, Kathleen Folbigg (see https://housegoeshome.com/2012/01/06/murder-medicine-and-motherhood/). Initially I resisted having a stickybeak on principal, but after purchasing assorted tampons and travel shampoos for The Cruise, curiousity got the better of me. I had a skim, gave a few snorts of derision at the inaccuracies – er, no, she’s not all settled and content behind bars, it’s bloody depressing in there – and put it back on the shelf with an annoyed flourish. I glaced at the Kardashians in their red bikinis, but reading about famous women looking fabulous in cossies just before I go on holidays depressed me. And I’m a bit over skinny Posh. So I turned to good old Jen Aniston, who New Idea are cheerfully implying has a teenaged son with a funny haircut. Fabulous, bring it on! I can’t wait to hear who the fellow actually is. Congratulations New Idea, you’ve intrigued me again.