Splitting the R

You know you’re middle aged when you’re splitting the R instead of the G.

I had no idea what splitting the G was until Dua Lipa celebrated her five sold-out stadium shows in England and Ireland last year by doing it in a Dublin pub.

“5 SOLD OUT STADIUMS IN A ROW!!!! ~ ONLY ONE WAY TO CELEBRATE!!!! BY SPLITTING THE G!!!!!!” she wrote on Instagram.

Splitting the what?

Google explained to me that “Splitting the G” is a drinking challenge where the goal is to take a single, large gulp of the stout in a way that the liquid and foam line up perfectly with the middle of the “G” in the Guinness logo on the pint glass. This means the foam should sit right at the midpoint of the letter “G” after your first sip. 

I am very much not a stout fan, so I haven’t attempted it. But I have been splitting the R since I went to Melbourne.

Let me explain …

My trip to Melbourne came just after I received the results for my myriad of medical tests.

One of the tests showed that I have a bit of calcium build up in the artery in my neck – or in medical speak: there is mild nonstenotic plaque in the carotid bulbs bilaterally – and my cholesterol is too high, so my doctor has prescribed me 10mg of Rosuvastatin a day.

I hadn’t filled the script yet, so DD gave me a strip of his tablets, ah the joys of middle aged dating.

But he’s on 20mg, so I’ve been splitting the R ever since.

I must remember to fill my script this weekend, I’m running low.

Aside from needing pills due to high cholesterol, having a vitamin D deficiency and being told to hurry up and lose 10kg, my test results were pretty good.

Well, except for my lungs.

My chest MRI revealed I have small focus non-specific subpleural ground-glass opacity in the lateral basal segment of my right lower lobe.

There’s a mouthful.

Ground-glass opacity is a hazy, gray appearance in the lungs that is visible in scans. According to Dr Google it can be caused by infection, pulmonary edema, lung disease or malignancy.

So many cheery options.

I also have atelectasis inferior lingula and inferomedial in my right medium lung. According to Dr Google, atelectasis means the tiny air sacs in a specific part of my lung have deflated or collapsed, leading to volume loss. In my case, this finding is located in the inferior lingula (a section of the left upper lobe) and the inferomedial (lower/inner) part of the right middle lobe.

The doctor was blasé when he gave me the news – it could be nothing or it could be very serious.

He blithely told me it was probably nothing … while I tried not to have a full-on panic attack in front of him.

He’ll consider ordering another chest MRI for me in six months. Until then I can fret to my heart’s content. Fortunately my heart is in excellent shape, with no sign of blockages or plaque.

Song of the day: Blondie “Heart of glass”