How do I get myself into these situations?

Did I mention that I was talked into putting my apartment on the market?

It was an accident, like all my major moves seem to be. The property market is going crazy right now, so I contacted the agent who sold my place to me to get a guide on what it’s worth now.

Well, that set the cat amongst the pigeons. The agent said he had a couple on his books called Bob and Norma who missed out on my place when I bought it.

They were property hunting again and eager for an inspection that afternoon.

Ah, hell no. The place was nowhere near ready to have strangers examine it in just a few hours’ time.

I said maybe next week would be better. I also expressed doubts that a couple called Bob and Norma would want an apartment up three flights of stairs in a building with no lift. The real estate agent assured me that Bob and Norma were very fit and not at all bothered by the stairs.

The next day the real estate agent suddenly remembered he needed a contract to take people through my place … which he’d somehow forgotten about when angling to get Bob and Norma through the day before.

Sigh. How do I get myself into these situations?

I grudgingly agreed to sign a two-week contract and enlisted poor DD to give up his weekend to help me clean the apartment.

We were bloody knackered by the end of it, but the place looked fabulous. I also used the inspection as an excuse to buy a linen coverlet, my first-ever matching bedside lamps and an indoor Karcher.

So what did Bob and Norma think of my place after all our efforts?

They weren’t keen on the stairs.

They also changed their minds about moving in together and would continue with their separate living arrangements.

There went my sure thing.

I got the place ready for another inspection on the Saturday, which was very poorly attended, with complaints made by a buyers’ agent about the lovely tree in front of my balcony needing a trim and the low wattage of my light bulbs.

The agent scrounged up another potential buyer to inspect the following Thursday, but she bailed the night before.

The last few days of my contract were filled with radio silence. The agent finally emerged yesterday, with excuses about off-market sales being a bitch and suggesting it would be better to try a proper campaign.

Mate, I just wanted a price guide. You were the one pushing me into an off-market contract. And your disappearance over the last few days has not filled me with confidence …

I did not say any of that.

I kept the conversation short and sweet and agreed that he was right, I should consider a proper campaign.

That will not be happening any time soon or with him. While it’s probably a good time to sell my place with stuff is going for silly prices, it’s a tough time for buying.

I have more than enough going on without letting that fresh hell into my life.

Well, at least I got a clean house and a bedroom makeover out of it.

Song of the day: Starstruck “I want to live in a house”