When the squirrels escape

I didn’t blog yesterday because I went to an event on Wednesday night that didn’t finish until after 10pm.

Soooooo long after my bedtime.

It was the launch of an intimate new Italian restaurant and wine room called Rovollo on the ground floor of Harry Seidler’s iconic 25 Martin Place skyscraper.

Numerous yummy courses were served – including sublime steak, oysters and tuna tartare.

A highlight was the restaurant’s signature dish – currently a pici carbonara – that was delivered to the table via a custom-made, walnut and brass trolley. A 20-kilogram Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese wheel was set alight, before the handmade pasta was tossed in it, then served and topped with a freshly-cracked egg.

Apparently the cheese wheel pasta trick is big on Tik Tok.

Oh, and dessert was a decadent 24-layer dark chocolate cake with a warm rosemary-infused berry compote.

Also big on social media.

I may have enjoyed the wine and cocktail menu a little too much. After sipping a glass of prosecco, I moved on to the grappa-based Amalfi cocktail, a bright and citrusy drink that’s finished with a salted limoncello blue foam.

Then I tried the Chardonnay, then the waiter asked if I’d like a glass of the chilled Montepulciano red … enough silly questions … he laughed, I laughed …

Meanwhile, soooooo many squirrels were racing around in my head throughout the evening.

Unfortunately some of them escaped from my brain and raced out of my mouth.

Here’s a rundown of what just a few of the squirrels thought, did and said …

Squirrel number one: I don’t know a single person here, so I might unload personal shite onto a perfect stranger about how traumatized I am after just finding out I got a cordial recipe wrong in my new book.

Squirrel number two: I think I’ll tell another perfect stranger that I currently have 15 pairs of socks stashed in my small handbag. That won’t make me sound weird at all! I’m working on a new navy capsule wardrobe and it required navy socks. Navy socks are a rare breed. I raced around Pitt Street Mall prior to the function searching for them and finally found some at Cotton On. But they only came in multi-packs of five, with each pack only containing one pair of navy socks. So I took two packs to the counter and the shop assistant said I got a third pack for free. And then she asked if I wanted to buy a bag for them and I said I could probs just squeeze them all in my handbag … It looked like the black handbag version of Garfield the cat after he’s eaten too much pizza when I finally managed to zip it up.

Actually I retold that story to several complete strangers.

Squirrel number three: I’ve clocked another alpha talker at the table and she’s clocked me. She’s secured one end of the table and I don’t have the energy to overthrow her due to my PTSD from the book error, so I will stick to oversharing with the smaller posse down my end.

Squirrel number four: Jaysus the posse down my end remember me from an event we attended eons ago that involved four venues and way too many cocktails. I must regale them with the tale of how the evening concluded … with me bending down to pat a dog outside the fourth restaurant and toppling over …

Squirrel number five: why did you tell them that story? They didn’t see you topple over, you daft, oversharing nong.

Squirrel number six: I know I’ve had a glass of prosecco, a blue cocktail and a chardy but that Montepulciano chilled red looks delicious, I might ask for a glass … or two …

Squirrel number seven: how lovely of the bartender to offer to serve us all mini Negronis. I don’t like Negronis, but it would be rude to say no … and they come with yummy bits of chocolate-dipped orange peel on top …

Squirrel number eight: why did you just tell everyone your hack of putting on your Kmart fluffy dressing gown backwards in bed and draping it over the doona so your arms stay warm while you’re scrolling the internet before bed?

Squirrel number nine: they SAID they thought it was an awesome hack, but maybe they’re secretly laughing at you.

Squirrel number 10: yeah, remember that time when the team at Kidspot were crowd-sourcing for hacks and you revealed yours was re-using your make-up removing wipe – after you’ve done your face – to wipe the sink and everyone thought you were a freak? But you’re not a freak, you just don’t use much make-up, so your wipes have heaps more mileage in them than other people’s and you hate waste.

Squirrel number 11: yeah but you still cringe with shame all these years later every time you use a face wipe because it reminds you of your stupid hack suggestion.

Squirrel number 12 (at 2am): you fool, you forgot – YET AGAIN – to drink a glass of water and take two Nurofen before you went to bed.

Squirrel number 13: Bugger it, can’t be bothered getting back out of bed. I’ll be fine.

Squirrel number 14: ohhhhh, I wish I’d gotten out of bed and taken that Nurofen. Dying.

Squirrel number 12: Just say no to the mini Negroni next time FFS.

Squirrels number 13-50: let’s just replay all those stupid things you said during the evening so you become too anxious to sleep …

Have a great weekend. Mine will be far too busy, just for something completely different, so I’m taking a few deep breaths and charging in … Let’s hope the squirrels don’t talk too much.

Song of the day: Hunters & Collectors “Talking to a stranger”