Death wishes

Geez it’s depressing to meet with a solicitor to organise your will, power of attorney and enduring guardianship documents.

She bombarded me with very big questions like whether I want to be taken off life support if there’s no hope of recovery and whether I want to be buried or cremated and who should choose my nursing home if I’m too far gone.

I felt a bit like crying as we discussed it all.

There were so many things to decide – did I want the kids’ inheritance put in a trust until they are a certain age?

No, I want them to have it straight away. I don’t care how young they are. I would buy them apartments now if I could. It would be so wonderful to give them that security.

I even had to choose a “calamity” beneficiary, should we all die at once.

Not an uplifting moment.

Though things took a funny turn when the solicitor asked about my divorce.

I knew the year we separated but I couldn’t remember when we finally got around to the divorce part. He was tricky to pin down on that.

But we made the decision on how we were dividing the assets within the first six months and eventually got a $900 divorce via a form we got at the post office … I think.

Well, I know it cost $900 but I’m not entirely sure if I’m imagining the post office bit. Maybe it was online.

Either way, solicitor visibly blanched in surprise.

You just decided what was fair between yourselves and divided up the assets?

Yup.

Wow. That’s very uncommon.

We are pragmatic, fair-minded people. It didn’t occur to us to do it any other way than reasonably.

Why would we be ugly about it?

Why waste money on lawyers when we could spend it on our kids instead?

I’m only wasting money on a solicitor now because I want to make sure my affairs are in order. I’m not getting any younger, it’s best to have these things properly sorted.

My last will was written more than 10 years ago. A lot has changed since then. The kids are adults, I’m getting on.

I think part of the reason I got teary about it is the lack of sleep since embarking on my 18-hour round trip to Melbourne last weekend.

I’ve since battled a brief stomach virus that’s running rampant at work – I’m still a bit nauseous – and my head has been full of tumultuous thoughts until the early hours.

I cried as I lay in bed late on Tuesday night, I cried in a Teams call yesterday, I contemplated crying at the solicitor and fought the tears back, I cried on the couch after the kids went to bed.

Today will be a better day. Sleep came quickly last night, so I will be stronger.

There’s been a lot to deal with on my own.

Song of the day: Pink “Who knew?”