A situation of my own making

It is not easy to buy me gifts. I feel uncomfortable receiving them and I can never think of anything that I want.

I love giving gifts and revel in the excitement of choosing the perfect one for other people.

But I hate being the centre of attention while unwrapping a gift and I struggle to express genuine joy. It is very unfair of me.

I look back now and feel sorry for my ex-husband and all the effort he would go to … before he gave up trying … for my birthdays and Christmas.

My dislike of speaking on the phone is equally well known, so it rarely rings any more.

And this year there weren’t any gifts for me to unwrap. Not one.

My mother hassled me for weeks to tell her what I wanted. I couldn’t think of anything.

The kids hassled me too and I eventually asked for the new Crowded House CD … because I’m old school … but it turns out it’s not released until May.

They gave me handmade cards with thoughtful messages inside, which I absolutely loved receiving. I have trouble hearing nice words so having them written down means a lot.

DD gave me a weekend away to see one of our favourite bands. Awesome! Can’t wait!

Various friends bought me drinks and meals.

I love the gift of time together – it was a great festival of the birthday.

So I am not sad that there were no physical gifts, just conscious that it is a situation of my own making.

However, I decided to buy myself a birthday present and it arrives today.

I got this …

The picture doesn’t do it justice, but it is very pretty – a mother of pearl inlay chest of drawers for my bedroom.

After Googling pictures of it to include in this blog post, I think I’ve overpaid. Ah well. I decided to go for the one I’ve actually seen in a showroom rather than choosing one randomly online.

I’ve been yearning for it since I first bought my apartment and went new furniture shopping, but I kept telling myself to be sensible and turn away.

It popped up in my emails last week, on sale for 30% off with free delivery. I thought bugger it, I’ve wanted it for 18 months, I’m going to get it.

I will unwrap it alone, delight in its beauty, and try not to feel ashamed about the price tag.

Song of the day: Natalie Merchant “Kind and Generous”