Fills me with panic

I forgot I was getting an ultrasound on my hip yesterday. Or maybe I blanked it out.

I had only booked an x-ray and when I arrived at the medical centre the receptionist was most annoyed that I’d not mentioned the accompanying ultrasound.

Luckily there had been a cancellation and they could squeeze me in.

I hate ultrasounds – they really stress me out. I don’t like the way the radiographer rolls the plastic thingy backwards and forwards and backwards and forwards while taking endless photos and keeping their face completely blank so you can’t guess whether they’ve found something terrible.

My panic rises with every roll of the probe.

I become convinced they are taking so long because there’s an issue and I start imaging the worst.

The radiographer got me to move into endless positions while he scanned and scanned and scanned.

And then he said he needed to show the results to his boss. I know they always say that but it doesn’t ease my panic.

Then his boss came in and proceeded to do even more scanning. And my distress levels went up a notch.

They kept asking if it hurt when they pressed the probe hard into a certain part of my hip. Not any more than it hurt when they pushed that bit of hard plastic and metal into any other part of me.

They also asked if I’d had an injury or a fall lately.

A fall!

So I told them I’d fallen off a gutter and they thought I meant a house gutter and it was their turn to panic.

But no, I meant a road gutter and it was mainly just my pride that was hurt by the fact I now have “falls” rather than just tripping over.

I was almost in tears by the end of it from all the terrible scenarios I’d envisaged, which included flashbacks to watching Carrie wet the bed while recovering from hip surgery on Sex And The City.

I called DD afterwards to share my concerns, but the line cut off about halfway through my chittering.

So I texted him saying …

He called back and assured me everything would be fine.

I don’t believe him.

And then I stupidly rang a dentist about my Chad Morgan tooth and the receptionist said he had an appointment for yesterday afternoon so I took it.

That did not improve my bank balance or my stress levels.

Not only is the dentist suggesting $7000 worth of Invisalign braces to fix the stupid wonky tooth (he made lots of tut-tutting noises about how badly the wire had been glued to the back of my teeth by the last dentist) but he says I also need seven of my old fillings replaced.

Faaaaaark. That’s the cost of a holiday blown on my teeth.

I am not a happy camper.

Would you get braces if one of your teeth started getting really crooked? And do old fillings really need to be replaced? He said there would be needles involved. Mouth needles are the WORST. I hate them even more than ultrasounds.

Woe is me.

Song of the day: Men at Work “Overkill”