Wants versus needs

I have an imperfect life.

But, hey, who doesn’t?

There’s a lot I wish I could change. But the good outweighs the bad. That’s better than many people get.

It doesn’t mean I don’t agonise over my room-for-improvement stuff.

I agonise over everything.

Lately, I’ve been pondering my wants versus my needs.

Or, more accurately, just my needs. They’re much more important than me wanting a new car or a trip to Hawaii.

What ARE my needs?

I’m trying to distill them down to three things in each of my relationships.

For example, my relationship with my ex … what are my needs with him?

Healthy, co-operative co-parenting. Tick!
Pleasant interaction. Tick!
Not feeling scared … hmmmm … Tick!

The third one sounds more ominous than it actually is … he was never scary in a physically intimidating way, but I was incredibly fearful of him by the time our relationship ended. He was always so dissatisfied and annoyed and ANGRY. I was constantly anxious about invoking his displeasure.

That really, really sucked.

I wish I could say forgiving him is my unofficial fourth “need”. You’re supposed to forgive, aren’t you?

Forgiveness is a step closer to God.

Unfortunately, I’m not very good at forgiveness. It’s not my strength.

I’m incredibly good at getting on with life. But forgiving is a much bigger kettle of fish that I’ve ended up thinking a lot of people don’t deserve.

I’m kinda like the bottom of a saucepan after you make popcorn, with a scattering of anger kernels lying unpopped in the oil. No matter how long to leave them on the heat they’re not going to explode … but they’re still there.

Are you good at forgiving?

Are your “needs” being met?

Song of the day: INXS “What you need”