Dating and rejection

Rejection Just Ahead Green Road Sign with Dramatic Storm Clouds and Sky.

There’s an awesome blogger called Kerri Sackville, who writes at Life & Other Crises. Check it out. She’s best mates with the divine Sharpest Pencil. Check her out too.

You can thank me later …

Kerrie wrote a blog yesterday called “If you’ve ever rejected anyone you’ll know this to be true… “

It was about Kerrie’s experiences on the dating scene and how “Men who are rejected tend to argue their case. Women who are rejected slink quietly away.”

And it talked about how many first dates she’s been on that haven’t progressed to second ones and how badly men take it when she says she doesn’t want to see them again. They tell her she’s made a mistake and should give them another go. I’d be far too mortified for such entreaties. I do quite admire the resilience of the male ego sometimes.

I didn’t even get as far as first dates in my month-long experiment on RSVP. A couple of guys paid ten bucks to send me a message, but my replies didn’t cut the mustard and I never heard from them again. I think it’s because I decided to be my quirky self. I get the impression being yourself isn’t what you’re supposed to be on RSVP. And you’re definitely not supposed to be quirky. You’re expected to be cookie cutter – sailing, cycling and “loving life” seem to be de riguer for every single bloke within a 25km radius of me.

Kerri also wrote at Daily Life recently about the lies people tell in their dating profiles: “I know how challenging it is to write an online dating profile. It is hard for me and I’m a professional writer. But here’s what I would really like to read occasionally: ‘Sailing is expensive. Sunsets are overrated. I feel between 16 and 100 years old. Life is good, it is bad, it is frequently indifferent. I’m sometimes cheery, sometimes stressed and sometimes grumpy as hell.’

“Now that profile may not score the writer a lot of dates. But it is certainly one I could believe.”

I didn’t see the sense in lying in my profile or responses – why waste someone’s time? Better to be discounted before it reaches the first date stage.

Getting rejected can be pretty crushing though, whether it’s not getting “kissed” back or being told a second date won’t be forthcoming.

Especially if it keeps happening over and over again.

So I’m not surprised people give up on dating sites. And on finding love again generally.

But never falling in love again is such a waste of joy and laughter and fun. No matter how old and tired and over it you are feeling, there’s always beauty to be found in connecting with another human being.

huey

Take this gorgeous couple featured in Adelaide Now yesterday. Huey proposed to Aileen on the veranda of Barmara’s Hawdon House aged-care facility eight weeks ago.

“We were sitting on the veranda one day, just cuddling and talking and I asked her to marry me and said I wanted to buy her a ring,’’ said Huey.

“Aileen didn’t believe me at first but it’s been my wish from the first days to marry her.

“I was married for 64 years before my lovely wife, Violet, passed and I want to have another wife.

“But she made a promise to her (deceased) husband that she wouldn’t remarry and she’s sticking to that. I wouldn’t think of trying to change her mind.’’

I’ll take Huey’s optimism any day. Getting engaged at 93 (and 100!) … now that’s a gloriously half-full glass.

So, should I find myself single again, I’ll be taking Huey’s approach. Preferably with someone forty decades younger.

I will lick my wounds, spend a hassle-free few months just hanging out with my girlfriends and snuggling with my fur babies (and real babies) on the couch, then write myself a dating profile that doesn’t mention sailing or “loving life” and get back out there again.

Because, while the thought of rejection terrifies me, I’m a glass-half-full person like Huey. And I want to be cuddling a special someone on the verandah at 100 too.

Song of the day: Pointer Sisters “Fire”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Dating and rejection

  1. The year was 2004. I wrote on my RSVP profile that I read the New Scientist. My Dadabs was hooked from the get go. Be yourself – there is always someone who will dig you the way you are.

  2. That’s such a sweet story of optimistic love. I’m guessing that theirs is just going to be a very long engagement so Aileen can keep her promise.

  3. Love your post and this story about this couple. I also love that his surname is “Whitehair.” Although I am a fan of optimism, I am rather terrified of RSVP, and keep NOT joining. But maybe it’s time to give it a go, even though I am definitely not a fan of sailing.

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