This is how we rock

That moment when a ’50s tribute band starts playing in the atrium of the cruise ship and your kids refuse to do the twist with Pop. So you do the twist with Pop and a vacant blonde in a pink satin poodle skirt hands you Radiance of the Seas keyrings. And you say cheers and pass them to the kids as souvenirs. And then it’s announced over the microphone that everyone who got a keyring is a finalist in a twist-off competition.

That one.

And you desperately wish you hadn’t chosen that particular night to wear a sundress with no bra … especially when the bloke with the microphone explains that the three finalist couples will each be dancing individually while 300 of their fellow passengers watch.

Then Pop announces into the microphone that you’ve been twisting together for 46 years and you hastily grab the microphone from him and add that you’re his DAUGHTER.

But you’re still not entirely sure that helps the situation …

Pop proceeded to execute some awesome moves – he’s remarkably limber for a 75-year-old – that got the crowd cheering and all those squats I’ve been doing at the gym meant I was twisting pretty damn low for a middle-aged woman on tumultuous seas … but we were beaten to first prize by a groovy geriatric bird wearing black polyester pants with extravagant and extensive frills at the ankle.

Damn her.

Second prize was a pair of Radiance of the Seas travel wallets, so the kids were in equal turns embarrassed and thrilled by Mum and Pop’s efforts.

Undaunted by my jiggly moment in the spotlight, I pulled the 11-year-old onto the dancefloor to shake her booty to one of those ’60s wipeout numbers and she didn’t even blush when I started pinching my nose and executing dance dives. Bless her.

Then we went to see BABBA on stage … Because that’s how you roll on a cruise ship at 9.15pm with your 8-year-old – a decision I may regret later today when tween tempers begin to fray.

Amy the cruise director spotted me in the crowd as she made her way to the stage to introduce the band and announced on her microphone that she’d seen me twisting in the Centrum. Oh yes, she had. Everyone had.

But I’ve moved beyond embarrassment and into a stage known as Day 6 on a cruise ship. So I did disco fingers and clapped and warbled to Dancing Queen at the top of my lungs as the tribute band performed.

It was actually bulk fun … ABBA really did produce some cracking numbers back in the day.

On the other hand … I’m not entirely sure Captain Phillips was an appropriate movie to show on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean … but Tom Hanks did an awesome job of being in shock at the end ..: as did the kids and I when we tottered out of the theatre with Pop and Nonna.

No, no kids, there aren’t any pirates in the Bass Strait … Dad, that’s not funny … Pop is just joking … Aren’t you Pop? Girls, he’s just joking. There. Are. No. Pirates … I hope …

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