Right back where I started

I went house-hunting yesterday. The deja vu knocked me for a six.

Suddenly, I was back where I started 22 years ago, buying my first place.

I stood outside a modest brick semi that might be in my price range and was reminded of that little house I bought in Petersham.

Both unrenovated, both filled with potential.

I couldn’t decide whether to be excited by the prospect of starting over and doing it all my way or furious?

The furious part of me wanted to drag my husband to that scrappy front yard and demand: “How can this be fair? How do you sleep straight in bed knowing you’ve taken so much from me and the kids? I worked so hard to create the fortunate life that you’re tearing apart. Damn you.”

But there’s no justice in the world, because he tells me he sleeps like an angel.

I am a practical woman, so I’ve chosen to be excited by the prospect of a “project”. I’ve already started sketching cheap internal alterations I can make to the semi, should the selling price not escape me.

Last night I was searching for songs about guilt and remorse to end this post. And I stumbled across an article in The Guardian that struck a chord. The author, Dorian Lynskey, begins:

In a fascinating book called Talk of the Devil, journalist Riccardo Orizio tracked down eight deposed dictators. Asked to reflect, they all said essentially the same thing, summed up by former Polish prime minister Wojciech Jaruzelski: “Anyone in my position would have done the same.”

The book illuminates an uncomfortable truth: that remorse, where it exists at all, is a private affair. When called to account, the ageing tyrant usually offers the same response as the red-handed child: It wasn’t my fault. It just happened. What could I do?

Unfortunately, Dorian doesn’t offer any tunes that fit the bill for my Song of the Day, so I’ve chosen this peppy number instead …

Starstruck “I want to live in a house”

Geez I loved that movie when I was a kid. Do you remember it?