I love the Golden Globes, so much more fun than those stuffy Oscars. And while there were a few that griped this year’s awards weren’t as eventful as previous years, all were in agreement that hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler won the night.
Benjamin Law summed it up: “Watching the Tina Fey and Amy Poehler monologue, laughing like a drain and wishing they’d become lovers and adopt me.”
A high point came when this year’s Miss Golden Globe, Sosie Bacon, shared her role with a surprise guest, who Tina introduced as Mr. Golden Globe, her son from a “previous relationship,” Randy (aka co-host Amy Poehler doing her best sulky teen impersonation).
“God, I hate being here!” Poehler – or Randy – exclaimed. “Jacqueline Bisset’s backstage bothering me.”
For those who haven’t watched the show, that joke will make more sense later in the blog.
Other great moments from the hosts …
Tina: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”
Tina, in conclusion: “This was the beautiful mess we hoped it would be.”
Amy: “And I got to make out with Bono!” (again, this will be explained later, in GIFs!)
Tina: “Gravity is nominated for best film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”
Tina: “One of my favorite films this year is the movie Her, which takes place in the not so distant future. Which is perfect, because so does Joaquin Phoenix.”
Tina: “Matthew McConaughey is here. For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.’”
Now let’s step back in time to the stars getting ready for the big night …
Sofia & Emma’s scoff-fest
Most celebs are on strict diets in the lead up to the red carpet season, poor misguided pets, but not Sofia Vergara. The Modern Family star posted a pic of herself on WhoSay snacking while getting her hair and make-up done.
She captioned it: ‘Last minute chocolatecake.’
Meanwhile, recently engaged Emma Roberts posted a picture of herself enjoying an In-N-Out burger pre Globes.
No burgers for Diddy
P.Diddy on the other hand had more important things on his mind than snacking. He Instagrammed this pic, captioned: ‘For the next hour I’m giving a tutorial on how to get ready for the Golden Globes. These here are cucumber patches flown in from Milan. I know it looks crazy, but nobody said perfection was easy. #diddyglobes’.
The future Mrs Foster
Groomer Anna Bernabe shared the above photo of her getting Michael Fassbender ready with People magazine. Try not to giggle at the behind the scenes details …
The first part of Fassbender’s prep work started the night before, when Bernabe told him to get some rest. “I always advise men to get a good night’s sleep and to moisturize, especially in the evening,” she said, saying she sent him home with RéVive Moisturizing Renewal Cream to start working a good glow for the morning. And because Fassbender has grown a beard for his role in Macbeth, she also reminded him not to skip that part. “Men with facial hair often tend to forget to moisturize underneath their beards. This is so important because those areas become very dry, especially when the beard is trimmed shorter,” she said — and his was, because Bernabe wanted a clean red carpet look.
“For tonight’s event, Michael and I agreed to have his hair styled back to open up his face, with a slight side part,” Bernabe tells PEOPLE, adding that she used a mix of Oribe hair products to prep and add the finishing touches (as well as to keep beard flyaways to a minimum). “I used my blowdryer to set the volume and enhance his natural waves.”
So how did she and Fassbender have fun during their 45-minute grooming session? “Michael loves listening to music while getting groomed. Usually he likes to play different songs on YouTube,” she shares. “On one occasion we went through an ’80s phase, singing along to songs like Dire Straits’ ‘So Far Away.’”
On with the show …
Kelly Osbourne gave the world a bit of a reality check on stardom, Instagramming this pic with the caption: “One of my favorite things about #goldenglobes is getting to watch the snipers on the roof!”
JLaw does it again
Jennifer Lawrence, queen of the photobombs, crept up on Taylor Swift while she was being interviewed on the red carpet.
Bumping on the red carpet
There were three very well dressed bumps at the Golden Globes, belonging to Drew Barrymore, Kerry Washington and Olivia Wilde.
“It’s great — I’ve never had boobs before!” Olivia joked to E!’s Ryan Seacrest when he complimented her emerald sequined Gucci gown.
She and fiancé Jason Sudeikis are expecting their first child and she revealed the bub’s due date, explaining that the way she remembers it is by saying: “May the fourth be with you.”
Blast from the past
Remember gymnast Nadia Comaneci? She posed with Hayden Panettiere on the red carpet. No idea why she was there, but pervy, huh?
More fave red carpet snaps ….
And the best stage moment goes to …
The award for best cutaways goes to …
Julia kept hamming it up for the cameras throughout the night, as per below …
Jacqueline’s rambling speech
Jacqueline Bissett won the award for the most excruciating acceptance speech after being named Best Supporting Actress in a TV Show, Miniseries or TV Movie for her BBC drama Dancing on the Edge.
In what the Daily Mail describes as “a car crash speech that was punctuated by long pauses”, she swore and said she wanted to thank those who had given her ‘pleasure and sh*t’.
Other commentators griped that she could hardly form a full sentence.
Woody’s big moment
Bono dissed P.Diddy
Bono was not amused by P.Diddy.
He visibly dodged Diddy as he leaned in for a hug, not bothering to hide the annoyance on his face.
“This really is personal for us—very, very personal,” Bono said after his bandmates had spoken. “This man [Nelson Mandela, not Diddy] turned our life upside-down, right-side up, a man who refused to hate, not because he didn’t have rage or anger, but that he thought love would do a better job.”
“We wrote a love story, a love song, rather, because it’s what is extraordinary about the film,” Bono continued. “It’s a dysfunctional love story…You don’t know about the man, that’s why you should see this film. We’re good at the dysfuncinoal love stories, thank you.”
Bono was way more open to Amy Poehler’s advances …
The winners …
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine
Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave
Julia Roberts, August: Osage County
June Squibb, Nebraska
Best Supporting Actress in a Television Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture
Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge
Janet McTeer, White Queen
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Monica Potter, Parenthood
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture made for Television
American Horror Story: Coven
Behind the Candelabra
Dancing on the Edge
Top of the Lake
White Queen
Best Actress in a Television Miniseries or Movie
Helena Bonham Carter, Burton and Taylor
Rebecca Ferguson, White Queen
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
Helen Mirren, Phil Spector
Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake
Best Actor in a Television Series, Drama
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
Best Television Series, Drama
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
The Good Wife
Masters of Sex
House of Cards
Best Original Song
“Atlas,” The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Coldplay
“Let It Go,” Frozen, Idina Menzel
“Ordinary Love,” Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, U2
“Please Mr. Kennedy,” Inside Llewyn Davis, Justin Timberlake
“Sweeter Than Fiction,” One Chance, Taylor Swift
Best Supporting Actor in a Television Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Corey Stoll, House of Cards
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Best Actor in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Best Foreign Language Film
Blue Is The Warmest Color
The Great Beauty
The Past
The Hunt
The Wind Rises
Best Actor in a Television Miniseries or Movie
Matt Damon, Behind the Candelabra
Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba, Luther
Al Pacino, Phil Spector
Best Animated Movie
Frozen
The Croods
Despicable Me 2
Best Actress in a Television Series, Comedy
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Lena Dunham, Girls
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Best Director
Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity
Paul Greengrass, Captain Phillips
Steve McQueen, 12 Years A Slave
Alexander Payne, Nebraska
David O. Russell, American Hustle
Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
The Big Bang Theory
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Girls
Modern Family
Parks and Recreation
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Christian Bale, American Hustle
Bruce Dern, Nebraska
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street
Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis
Joaquin Phoenix, Her
Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Her
Inside Llewyn Davis
Nebraska
The Wolf of Wall Street
American Hustle
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock, Gravity
Judi Dench, Philomena
Emma Thompson, Saving Mr. Banks
Kate Winslet, Labor Day
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave
Idris Elba, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips
Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
Robert Redford, All Is Lost
Best Motion Picture, Drama
12 Years a Slave
Gravity
Philomena
Rush
Captain Phillips
housegoeshome 
I’m loving Emma Thompson’s performance in Saving Mr Banks…a must see movie!
And I reckon Amy Adams’ cleavage in American Hustle finally has it over Sandra Bullock’s thighs! 🙂
Thx for the tip Geoff, I’ll put it on my flicks to see list
Since, I just don’t have the commitment to watch it during the day, I really wish they would replay it in primetime somewhere on Freeview TV. Missing the good old days.
I don’t understand why commercial channels don’t run it, way more fun than that other boring awards night