As I write this blog poolside … I know SHUT UP … I should be in relaxed holiday mode, like the couple whose tongues haven’t left each other’s mouths since they entered the water. But I can’t stop thinking about how many faux pas I have committed within less than 1 hour of arriving at the five-star establishment.
I know SHUT UP.
I am not accustomed to staying at five-star establishments. I feel almost physically ill at the mere thought of paying more than $200 to stay somewhere for the night.
Somehow spending hundreds of dollars on shopping before I check in isn’t such a problem. It’s funny the inconsistencies in my psyche.
Anyways. I really think when you enter the United States they should hand you a tipping guide at customs. Cause it’s STRESSFUL.
Like trying to work out how much to tip the cab driver when a grinning hotel attendant has already opened the cab door and is boomingly welcoming you. And suddenly he has your luggage and you are trailing after him wondering how much you should tip HIM … Too late, he’s gone.
Booming guy is replaced by short, friendly dark-haired guy, who retrieves my luggage and powers off towards my room with it, taking a chunk out of my ankle in the process. I’m pretty sure I need to tip him – despite the stinging injury. But how much?
He offered to give me an orientation tour of the hotel. Is that an extra tip? Uncertain, I declined and shoved $5 into his hand. Then he asked if I’d like some ice and before I realized what i was doing – because I was really hot and tired – I sais yes.
Then I panicked about whether I needed to tip him again when he finally returned.
Then, just as I was recovering with my ice and a Diet Coke, there was a knock at the door.
It was a hotel attendant bearing a bag of stuffed animals for the DVD release I’ve travelled all this way to celebrate.
I said thank you and it was only after I closed the door that I thought Oh god, was I supposed to tip him?
Bloody cheap Australian guests.
Then I went to the pool and asked the pool attendant for a towel. And I didn’t tip him. But his hopeful little face suggested I was supposed to.
THE PRESSURE.
So I limped back to my room and consoled myself with a half bottle of Piper H bubbles from the mini bar – bargain at $28 and sipped it while waiting for my Nair to work.
And got another bloody knock at the door – a grinning hotel attendant offering to turn down the bed. Do you tip for that? I wasn’t taking any chances so I said no. And as I closed the door realized perhaps part of the reason she looked so cheery was that I was still Naired to the nines.
Oh the shame!
Anyone got any tipping advice for me?
housegoeshome 
The number one thing to do is keep a wad of $1 bills at all time. $1 is minimum (never coins), and for the towel guy, that’s perfect. For the luggage a $5 is about right. Cab drivers – around 10% of the fare, rounded to the closest $5. Restaurants – in most states double the sales tax. At a bar, $1 per drink. If you’re in a proper bar, by the third or forth the bar person will say it is on the house. Then you double the tip on that one. Never waiver, and it’s fine. You can’t over tip. Many people in those jobs don’t get paid much, or anything, relying on tips. Just feel fine about it all. It’s part of playing the part. And most of all, forget about Australia (or Britain, or Italy, or where ever) you are in the USA you have to behave like a local. If you are a man you should pay for drinks ALWAYS. If you are woman it is fine to let someone else pay and not even blink about it…
Damn I should have asked you before I went would have saved myself a whole heap of angst
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Oh, also note that in many bars they’ll give you lots of single dollars in change (even if they might have given you a $5 or $10). Take that as a hint but don’t be insulted. That’s just making it easier for you to tip the right amount and not being forced to over tip. You can also ask for singles, so long as you’re a paying customer most places will convert a $5 or $10 to singles for you.
One last story. My wife and I were in a hotel/resort outside Seattle with my 3month old daughter and nearly-2 year old son. It was around 10pm and they weren’t sleeping well and we needed milk or something to give my son. We called room service and explained and they said ‘no problem’. A minute later a guy arrived and very quietly knocked on the door, passed through a glass or milk and disappeared. We have been quite generous with the room service tip earlier on. The milk never even appeared on the bill.
(BTW – the hotel was the one in the TV series Twin Peaks. Cool place to stay if you get the chance).
In bars I always prefer to run a tab if they’ll let you, then tip at the end. Lot of bars will let you put your credit card behind the bar – you just say to ‘keep it open’ and they’ll run a tab on it. Then at the end you only have to do the maths once. Because of how bad I am at maths, I usually tip 20 per cent on most things. Because 10 per cent is so easy to work out, but is too low, so I double it, which is too high but guarantees great service on return visits to said bar/restaurant etc.
With the hotel staff – I also tip the housekeeping staff. I think a couple of bucks a day is fine but I personally make it five. Just put it in an envelope from the stationery in the desk in the room, mark the envelope ‘housekeeping’ and leave it on your pillow.
Good tip on the tipping for housekeeping tmw
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I was such a tight brit, the only person I tipped was the taxi driver and the driver to the hotel. Oh I am so full of faux pas (but then I did insist on carrying my own luggage and finding my own room)!
That hotel was a maze! I can’t believe you went in search of your own room – I would have ended up in Timbuktu. The driver on that last day deserved every penny I reckon – he was such a good sport about our diversions. Hope the jetlag isn’t knocking you around too much.