Secret drug addicts

I had no idea half the world was walking around high every day until I became addicted to caffeinated beverages.

I should have had some indication that something funny was going on when I watched my sister’s agitation increase in the mornings until she got her coffee fix.

But no, I’d just roll my eyes about her little peccadillo and think Get over it, it’s only coffee.

I was so naive.

When I had to give up sugar and carbohydrates after developing a disaccharide deficiency and I got rather heavily into Diet Coke. On the scale of one to 10, Diet Coke is pretty low in the buzz stakes. But as a newbie to stimulants, I was jazzed.

After a few years, I started wanting more … so I’d treat myself to a sugar-free V when I did the supermarket shopping. Sometimes Husband would offer to do the shopping for me, but no way Jose, that twirl through the aisles with caffeine coursing through my veins and The Village People pumping through the muzak system was all mine.

I knew how bad all that nasty stuff in the diet drinks was for me, but I couldn’t resist.

Prior to the school holidays I was downing two cans of Diet Coke a day. Two. Gasp.

When I got back from hols, I decided it was time for a change. No more phenylalanine. 

But I wasn’t sure I could make it without some sort of caffeine in my life. So I tried drinking this 28 White stuff, with acai berries and stevia and other natural ingredients. Yergh.

Then I started making my own DIY iced coffees with caramel flavoured coffee, lactose-free milk and stevia. Meh, they were OK, not great.

And finally, I looked up as I crossed the road in the city a few weeks ago and spotted nirvana – Starbucks. I know, I know … but they do these caramel frappuccino things that are totally awesome, and which I’ve convinced myself aren’t too bad for me if I skip the whip and drizzle on top. All that calcium will fight off the osteoporosis … it’s a health measure, really.

So I’m having one every morning. And buzzing through ’til lunchtime. High. On caffeine. Like the rest of the world has been all my life and I didn’t realise.

I watch people now, sitting in coffee shops or getting their takeaways and think: “Fancy that, you’re getting legally high!” I’m particularly impressed by the ones at Starbucks who get their coffees in milkshake-sized cups. Wow, they must be bouncing off the walls by 10am.

Drug addicts, the lot of us.