Jo Abi wrote a blog at iVillage last week about her over-scheduled child. I see her pain and I raise her …
Let me tell you about my over-scheduled kids:
Monday
7.30am: band practice for Sprog 1
4.30pm gymnastics for Sprog 2/4.40pm trumpet lesson for Sprog 1
Tuesday
4.30pm-5.30pm swimming lessons for both Sprogs
Wednesday
3.30pm: Netball practice for Sprog 2
Thursday
7.30am: band practice for Sprog 1
3.45pm: art lesson for Sprog 1
4pm: skipping class for Sprog 2
Friday
8.20am: choir practice for Sprog 2
Saturday
9amish: netball match for Sprog 2
When you factor in two working parents and meal preparation that’s quite a dizzy whirl. Not that I’m complaining, merely cataloguing.
Complaining would be wrong when I am the author of my own hell.
We had a rule of three activites per child and we broke it so the youngest could play netball. Husband initially said no, but I talked him into it. I thought a group activity would be good in light of her recent social issues at school.
Meanwhile, over at a website called Mommyish, Rebecca Eckler reckons Unstructured Play Is Dead because it might “lead to an accident or death of my child”. She reck0ns everyone should be scheduling the shit out of their kids to keep them out of trouble.
I think Rebecca might be over-dramatising things slightly. Unstructured play doesn’t necessarily lead to kids “doing crack OR giving blow jobs” once they hit their teens. It doesn’t need to take place in deserted parks or other potentially fraught places. It can happen in your own backyard/rumpus room – it’s called “leaving them to their own devices”.
Mine aren’t very good at it. They usually come moping to me saying “I’m bored! What should I do?” Which I think is a bit rich considering how many toys they have. And the fact that I went through the considerable pain of childbirth twice to ensure they had a permanent playmate.
Besides – while I’m guilty of it myself, I worry that over-scheduling comes with its own set of dangers.
Plenty of experts believe the reason there’s been such a massive rise in childhood anxiety is that kids don’t get the chance to just be anymore.
Professor Peter Gray wrote at Psychology Today that: “By depriving children of opportunities to play on their own, away from direct adult supervision and control, we are depriving them of opportunities to learn how to take control of their own lives. We may think we are protecting them, but in fact we are diminishing their joy, diminishing their sense of self-control, preventing them from discovering and exploring the endeavors they would most love, and increasing the chance that they will suffer from anxiety, depression, and various other mental disorders.”
Geez it’s tricky being a parent these days. I’m pretty sure our parents didn’t worry about this sort of stuff. As long as they fed us, clothed us, gave us a kiss goodnight and played the occasional family game of Monopoly on a rainy day they felt they’d done a pretty good job.
Not anymore.
What side of the fence are you on – give kids more freedom or keep them close to save them from harm?
housegoeshome 
I think they need more unstructured play. I think that type of play gives them some pretty important skills for live, problem solving, resilience, creativity etc. It is difficult in the modern world to fit it in, particularly given homework etc. I get cross when I hear people call for schools to operate working hours eg until 5.00 or have less school holidays because I think kids need downtime, and they need opportunities to rest and recuperate from lives that are becoming increasingly stressed.
Activities are fine as long as the kids enjoy them (and I’m with you on the netball, they do need a group sport) and it doesn’t become another pressure to practice/perform etc. But I think unstructured time is just as important if not more.
Way too much homework – as I think you’ve blogged about previously!
Less schedule, more freedom. I, like you, have the rule of two activities per child. This term that means only two nights after school do we have activities. Being able to come home and ‘chill’ on the other nights is heaven for all of us!
My children are learning not to come and tell me they are bored as I find things for them to do which they don’t particularly like, such as pick up the dog poo lol. Amazing what games they can come up with when motivated to do so.
I have had to work on making sure my children have time to ‘be’ as I think it is important that they aren’t stimulated all the time. Also means that I can find some time for it as well which makes me a better mum.
Thanks for the great post.
Ooooh, I like the unpleasant activities idea to stop the “I’m boreds”
I am not at this stage with my kids yet, but I am exhausted just reading this list! My opinion is this sort of schedule is probably a bit much for both the kids and the parents. It might depend on the family though. I think maybe two extracurricular activities is plenty on top of school, homework etc for most families. But each to their own.
Yes, I know, rod for my own back!
I feel for you. It’s hard to get the balance right with kids, no matter what stage they are at.