There are words you love hearing your child’s teacher say, like “she’s a lovely child” and “so bright” and “a delight to teach”. And there are words you don’t want to hear your child’s teacher say, like “have you thought about repeating her?”.
I did reading groups with Sprog 2’s class yesterday and, as I was leaving, the teacher pulled me aside. She asked the big question. I said, “no, no we haven’t … but if you think we should, perhaps we need to discuss it”. And then I bolted.
I called Husband on his mobile phone: “Sprog 2’s teacher just asked me if we’d consider her repeating Year 1.”
It shouldn’t be a big deal, but Sprog 2 has been through so much already. Kindy was a horrible mess of anxiety, eating disorders and counselling. All sparked by a choking incident at yum cha and a biting incident in the playground. I was just starting to feel like she was settled, happy and had friends. I’m scared to mess with that.
Sprog 2 was born in March, like myself and Husband. We started school before we turned five, but we did just fine. It never occurred to me that my child wouldn’t. Except now parents are tending to hold their kids back and some of Sprog 2’s classmates are a whole year older and more advanced than her. Whole different ballgame.
And if the teacher has her doubts …
Sprog 2, like her sister before her, is struggling with her reading in Year 1. (Ironic for the children of two journalists.) Sprog 2, unlike her sister, isn’t a fan of books. Sprog 1’s delight in the written word pulled her through. She reads like a dervish now. She sucks books dry like the vampires she loves reading about.
Reading isn’t the only hurdle for Sprog 2, she isn’t knocking any other subjects out of the park either. Though I was startled last night when she showed me her homework and had correctly labelled the times on all the clocks. I’m not sure Sprog 1 could do that now, in year 3.
Socially, I thought Sprog 2 had her circle sorted. But the teacher looked surprised when I assured her Sprog 2 had firm friends. It made me question all the presumptions I’ve been making. If the teacher hasn’t noticed, do they actually exist … ?
To ice the cake, her teacher suggested if Sprog 2 was in kindy she’d be average, perhaps a little below, like it was a positive thing. And I’m like, right, so even if we knock her back a whole year, she might still be below average? What does that mean she is now?
In the end, I agreed to have the school counsellor speak to Sprog 2 and make an assessment. I’m pretty sure I want her to stay put, but it doesn’t hurt to explore our options.
ANY ADVICE FROM PARENTS WHO’S BEEN DOWN THIS PATH WOULD BE WARMLY WELCOMED …
housegoeshome 
Hi Alana – I did go through this with my youngest daughter and we ended up repeating her in primary school, which was a good decision. Again it was about reading etc and we used that year to do some speech therapy (which helped with word recognition) and some additional help. She caught up well once we really addressed the problem, although I felt awful that I hadn’t done anything earlier. Her birthday was also in March.
My experience was a little different because my kids went to a small alternative school and the repeating of the year was easy and didn’t carry any stigma, so that worked. However, it was a hard decision still for us and we had to negotiate with the private high school she was booked in for to move back her enrollment for a year without adding any stigma to her academic history.
You know your child best of course, but generally it is good to listen to teachers when they have the courage to bring these things up.
By the way, my daughter is now 22 and is completing first class honours at university.
Well you know our story alana, I think if we hadn’t repeated kindy with Hope she would be struggling now in high school. The first year of kindy she made one friend and in the second year she had lots. Her confidence as she moved up through the reading levels also increased.
Sigh. Tricky.
As a teacher my comment is….why havent you heard about this before now? Surely if she is struggling they should have advised you earlier in the year so maybe you could do some extra work at home and see if it helped? What were you told at parent teacher interviews earlier in the year? I think its a tricky situation and you obviously have added issues to consider, not just based on academic progress but about emotional and social development. Would repeating add to the anxiety?
The school is big, sometimes the messages just don’t seem to get through. Parent teacher interviews are in March, before the teachers can actually get a handle on the kids (I think). But I had to find out from my child that some sort of remedial reading was going on, as the school didn’t inform me.
She is such a bright little thing, do you really have to repeat her? It’s still quite a while before you have to decide. I’d suggest extra reading at home each day and see if you can get her to catch up. I wouldn’t stress too much about it, either way it will work out.
Hi Alana, I can’t speak from experience (my eldest has just started kindy) but I’m also a teacher and know the process of repeating should be considered really carefully by the school – do you know if they have a policy on repeating?. Would the teacher she would repeat with (is she were to repeat) have experience in this area, or lessening any stigma your daughter may feel. If the school doesn’t have a policy, some helpful questions to ask before considering the move would be: does your daughter have friends outside of school (and where do their age ranges fall in relation to hers – are they the same age, or older, or does she gravitate towards the younger children, or older?). Also, if the school is serious about repeating her, it may be useful to ask them to ‘trial’ her in the younger class, say one afternoon a week for a ‘visit’ (usually at the end of the week, or on a Thurs/Fri afternoon when things are more relaxed) to see how she gets along with her ‘peers’ if the move is made. Your daughter’s feelings after class will be a big indicator of whether this is right (she found it easy to relax) or her anxiety increased, which probably means the younger students aren’t really her academic peers. Also, if her development is asynchronous, and she is years ahead in some areas – e.g. clock times, she may have different learning needs. Often students have strengths, and are average with the rest of their learning, but sometimes students can fit into that 2% of the population where they classify as gifted, and have particular learning needs – but an even smaller percenatge also have a learning difficulty, as they’re not mutually exclusive. (I’m not saying this is what your daughter has!!, but it is something to consider if she is able to perform several years beyond her age, consistently, in a certain area.). The only way to really tell would be to go to a psychologist who specialises in children/administering intelligence tests (and these cost around $400 in Tasmania, not sure about QLD) but hopefully the school c ounsellor is able to administer a similar assessment (I’d ask the school counsellor for the names of the assessments, so that you can research them if you want). Good luck with it all …it’s a big decision 🙂
Wow, some great advice in there, thanks Ms Enid. We think she leans more towards the cunning than the Einstein, but she’s definitely not your textbook “slow”. The afternoon in a kindy class is a good idea. And I need to think about the sort of kids she gravitates towards, as it’s not something I’d considered before.