Sex education was the topic du jour at a mums’ dinner I attended last night. One of the mums has switched her son to a private school and he’s being given The Talk soon, at a special after-school function. He’s in year 3, the same as Sprog 1. I haven’t even thought about having The Talk with Sprog 1. She still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny. You can’t believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny and periods. It’s illogical. Sprog 1 has expressed absolutely no interest in the opposite sex or bodily functions or where babies come from. Why bring it up before she does? Another mum said it’s best to have The Talk before it gets awkward. But it’s already awkward (for me, at least). When I dropped a tampon on the cabin floor on the cruise and Sprog 2 asked what it was, I mumbled something about it being a “grown-up thing” and changed the subject. Who wants to know they’re going to bleed every month for 40 years? Possibly accompanied by excruciating cramps each time. Only halted by getting pregnant … which eventually results in cramps so agonising you’ll beg for an enormous needle to be inserted in your spine, have extensive stitches and endure a Red Sea-style flow called “lochia” that requires special mattress-sized pads for weeks afterwards. How depressing is that? Let her be blissfully unaware for as long as possible. But not as long as the mum who had no idea what was happening when she got her first period and completely panicked. The only sex education her mother had given was: “Cuddle and kiss, but don’t uncross your legs.” Full-stop. Nothing about blood. Not that knowing about the blood makes it less confronting the first time. Or the 480 following times … One mum told me her daughter – who is in Sprog 1’s class – has been worded up on the entire process for years. So I’m wondering if Sprog 1 knows more than she’s letting on about periods, Santa and the Easter Bunny. It’s just a question of who’s going to crack first and confess. At least I don’t have sons, like the mum who said her son has known since he was four that Mummy has periods and where babies come from and openly discusses the “string to stop the blood coming out” situation with her. That would totally weird me out. And it doesn’t get any easier during the teen years. Alysson Watson wrote a blog recently about her Year 7 son’s (theoretical) sexual knowledge (http://alysson-watson.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/number-one-in-sex-ed.html). He cheerily boasted that he was a sex-ed star. “We had to list the points for and against pads and tampons,” he told her, “and the girls [in our class] only got three and Dale and I got 17.” I suppose it’s great that boys and girls and sons and mums can be so open about pads and tampons with each other. I suppose. But, like the TV ad where the guy sticks the pads all over himself, it makes me cringe. Shame on me. In the words of one disgruntled reader on a Sydney Morning Herald discussion board about bad ads: “to all you potatoes so disturbed about TV ads GET A LIFE”. This potato needs to GET A LIFE, because the talk is coming and I have to be ready for it. Gulp. How can I be too shy to tell my kids the facts of life, but perfectly happy to discuss my Hugh Jackman ejaculation story with anyone who’ll listen? I’m such a potato.
WHEN DID YOU TELL YOUR KIDS THE FACTS OF LIFE? ANY TIPS?
housegoeshome 
You have a Hugh Jackman ejaculation story? How can you possibly have a Hugh Jackman ejaculation story?
Re sex ed, I did the talk with the “what’s happening to me books” with the eldest but when it happened she went into meltdown, she was at mum’s and all mum could find were some giant maxi pads (it had been a while don’t know why she even still had them). I got there to discover distraught daughter who said “I can’t walk, it’s like a nappy, I can’t wear these forever” I explained there were other types we could buy, and after a while discovered she believed once you started bleeding it didn’t stop for the next 40 years. Finally able to reassure her that it was for a week each month – and we celebrated by going out to lunch.
With the second I’ve been slack, she’s had the talks at school (and I’m pretty sure she sat at the door and listened when I did the conversation with her sister – which obviously wasn’t clear enough). But she seems to have the hang of it – when her father keeps asking her sister why she doesn’t want to go swimming it’s the youngest who says “she’s got her PERIOD”. At which point husband throws hands in air and mumbles about how boys would have been easier.
We were told from before I can remember so the talk was never an ‘event’. I can understand you feeling nervous though! And can I just add that it took a lot of concentration to write this comment because as soon as I read ‘Hugh Jackman ejeculation story’ everything else left my head!!
Although a rivetting subject on its own (your blog subject today) – I think you’ve opened a can or worms with the Hugh Jackman thing! As a new follower of your blog – and in all fairness to other newbies – OMG – you must fill us in on the HJ thing. PS: and by HJ, I mean Hugh Jackman everyone !
Sorry, I was going to put a link to it, but I thought people might be sick of hearing the HJ story. I’ve kind of guilded the lily a bit. He doesn’t actually ejaculate in it, not even close. Anyway, it’s at https://housegoeshome.com/2012/03/09/gimme-the-money-shot-hugh/
Grrr, can’t make that a link. Hopeless. Use the search tool at the top right-hand side of my blog. Type in Hugh Jackman. Enjoy.
Oh, link does work. Hopeless. Enjoy!
Yes Alana, you’re a potato! My son took great delight, at about 4 1/2 years old I think, in telling the checkout girl at the supermarket how babies were made, EVERY time we visited for quite a few months! And it was quite graphic, too…how a penis went into a vagina and “sperms” came out of the penis and then a while later a baby came out of the “bagina”!!
He got the facts from his mother at a very early stage and was fascinated. And he also believed in Santa until about 7 years old…
I appreciate that the discussion with girls will be more difficult but my view is that kids need to know sooner, rather than later in our modern, fast-moving times. My guess is that Sprog 1 will already be au fait with this stuff anyway!
Now…what was that about Hugh Jackman?
Bagina!!!!! Hilarious.
http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?159130-German-sex-ed-book-for-kids
… and I don’t think your daughter would need to read German to understand this 😉
Lordy, how did you stumble across that???
I’d seen that book pop up here and there over the years – did a quick search to find it for you, in your hour of need! 😉 (I have to confess I only found it shockng for a minute or so and then I was like, ‘Meh, why not’)
Being my mother’s daughter, I gave my daughter a book about it all. I thought it a win win as she pays far more attention to a book than anything I say. It all came a cropper one Saturday at a restaurant when she came out clearly and very loudly with “So Mum, tell me more about the foreskin?”. Matt looked shell shocked, the older boys groaned with embarrassment and the younger boy chimed in with, equally loudly, “what’s a foreskin, Mum?”. All eyes were on us, the waiter had a seizure and almost dropped all six drinks over the table. Whenever and however you do it, I hope it is less traumatic!
It doesn’t take too much to imagine her doing that. Argh!
About half way through last year I decided to have the talk with my 12 year old. Most of it she already knew from more mature girl friends. When she did finally get her periods she behaved very maturely and once they were over declared that “thank god that is over” It was only when I told her that they would come back every month that she freaked out:) Whenever my six year old son asks anything I tell him to ask his father!
Ah, how wonderful it would be if there was just the one, not 480 …
Potato you are a bit of a worry… my kids all know more than me on every subject or so they think, I over did that getting them to spell stuff by saying ‘I don’t know what do you think”. Anyway, personally I find that if I start the subject they are quite happy to fill in the gaps as they know them. You can then put them right on any misunderstandings and it kind of tells you where to stop. This is not a single conversation topic but multiple small conversations I think. This also makes it all so much easiler fo you.
Yes, I must find a moment … it would help if she expressed the slightest curiosity.
Great post!
Thx Jemma!