Naked in public

Husband was up late on Monday night trying to rescue our hard-drive. (It’s dead Jim. Choking sob.) So he forgot about driving Sprog 1 to band practice yesterday morning – his job – and slept in. No problem, I said, I’ll take her. Somehow I forgot all the other school mums and dads would be doing the same. So perhaps a ratty t-shirt, no bra and saggy trakkie shorts weren’t the way to go. As I got out of the car at the school gates and hefted Sprog 1’s trumpet case and backpack out of the boot – nipples pointing to the bitumen – I looked up to see familiar faces smiling and waving at me from their cars. I noted my dirty hair, dirty teeth and no-make-up face and died a little inside. Then I covered myself like a celebrity trying to avoid paparazzi cameras and dashed back into the car. It was like those nightmares I had as a teenager where I was naked in public place. Except I was wide awake and resembled the dwarf from Lord Of The Rings sans his armour. Co-incidentally, when I got home and checked Facebook, I discovered Kidspot.com.au is running an admirable project called #MorningFace, which encourages women to upload photos of themselves first thing in the morning and blog about it. It’s about revealing the real you and being proud of it. I’m still working on the proud bit and unfortunately/fortunately I can’t include photo of me doing my morning dwarf impression as I can’t upload photos to my blog using my effing iPad. But I hope I’ve painted such a vivid picture that you can imagine exactly how I looked.

PS I took a #MorningFace photo of myself this morning that I’m emailing, along with this blog, to kidspot. If they publish it I’ll be sure to let you know so you can recoil at the sight of the “real” me. Though here’s a tip: after taking 50 million terrible photos of myself and rejecting them, I’ve discovered you look much better without make-up if you’re lying down. I think it makes all the wrinkles slide off the side of your face or something.

PPS Kidspot published my photo but it’s a “pinterest”, whatever the hell that is. Refuse to add another electronic time-waster to my life. So I’m biting the bullet and uploading my morning face for you. Shudder.

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8 thoughts on “Naked in public

  1. My best effort was driving Number One Son to Metford TAFE after he missed the bus here. It’s about a 20 minute drive. Longer in the morning coming home due to school/work traffic. I was in my pyjamas. And a friend pulled up beside me at the lights and waved….

  2. The trick is to hold the camera above your head pointing down to your face – reduces the multiple chins and makes your eyes enormous. Also makes you look like a deranged old emo… worthwhile trade? I think so.

  3. LOL, brilliant…still giggling. Our family in total disarray this morning ( we have a gremlin who has progressed from mere socks and who has now eaten hubbies sunglasses (prescription), 2 of the 3 hand held home phones and 1 school shoe). So not as kind and considerate as you made hubby do school run in yesterdays clothes from floor, hair on end and 2 days growth on chin.

  4. God knows what you are all talking about! I am always up at five, have applied makeup and straighten hair by six, made the school lunches and given all the members of my famly breakfast by seven, poured my first G &T by eight (oops sorry did i say that out loud)…

  5. Oh Alana! I love this post. I love and admire that you can be so self deprecating. I just turned 40. I never regarded myself as ‘hot’ or anything like that but REGARDLESS I’m having terrible trouble accepting the ageing process.

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