Me no understand

I have a cavewoman’s grasp of technology. Leaning more to the Neanderthal than the Homo Sapien. My brain just isn’t wired that way. Lots of room for random facts and gossip, not much space for complex tasks. I’ve only just learned to use a scanner, at age 43. It’s been a revelation. I’ve been madly uploading old snapshots and posting them on my Facebook wall. (Some friends are wishing I’d failed on that front. I got legal threats last night.) Husband taught me to use the scanner. Then he taught me again. And again. Things sink in eventually. Although I never mastered the photocopier at work. Strange beast. My inability to use an iPad almost lead to divorce in Europe last year. We were lost in Spain and Husband told me to look up directions. I couldn’t find the app – I didn’t realise the icon pages slid across. He went absolutely mental at me. But then, he’s endured my fumbling for 22 years. There’s been much less tension in the house since we disconnected the TV aerial. I kept forgetting how to change channels. Husband had set-up some elaborate system that made it a bit more complicated than just pressing 5, 7, 9 or 10 (which is about the limit of my remote control ability). He’d get really annoyed when I randomly pressed buttons and stuffed things up. Now there are no channels, just a DVD player. All I need to do is press play. Husband supposedly got me an Apple TV thingy for Christmas. As if you’d give a widget to someone barely capable of turning a TV on. Present for himself, it was. Sneaky bugger. My fear of electronic appliances means I’m slow to adopt electronic innovations. I didn’t even get a mobile phone until 2002. I was living in Singapore for two years prior and was seen as quite the low-tech weirdo by my Asian colleagues. But I’m beginning to evolve. I finally learned to text 12 months ago. I joined Facebook last August. I started tweeting two months ago. I’ve even deciphered how to download True Blood on my iPad in bed. (Though I’m having trouble sleeping afterwards, all that gore and moral conflict about vampires … Sexy? Evil? Sexy? Evil? Sexy and evil. It’s very unsettling.). So I’m getting there. Just don’t ask me to photocopy something for you. No idea.