Everyone’s a winner

When my sister wins the $5 jackpot lottery, I am so getting plastic surgery. (She’s promised me $1million of her $30million win. She’s since been lying awake at night worrying that makes her look cheap. How delightfully me of her!) The self-portraits I took for The Day I Dyed confirmed the need for action. My eye bags rival Alice Cooper’s, my saggy cheeks belong on a basset hound. Bugger this getting old business, I’m over it. And I’m not going for that namby-pamby non-surgical stuff this time around, it’s straight to the slice and dice. Not a complete overhaul, though. I can live with my poddle, cellulite and boobs. Just. But the face, the face is really bugging me. While I wait for my sister to win the $5 jackpot lottery (she’s got a really good feeling about it), I’m going to wallpaper over a few cracks. First, I’m making an appointment to have my eyelashes tinted and brows waxed. Getting my hair done on Friday was like buying a fabulous new pair of shoes, then realising you have nothing to wear them with – my lashes and brows no longer match my mane. My face looks all washed out and insipid. Then I’m investing in some anti-ageing make-up. Buying make-up will be a bit scary because I haven’t done it for 15 years. Previously, everything was provided by either my beauty editor or my mother (unlike me, she’s obsessed with buying beauty products for herself and everyone else). I miss my gorgeous beauty editor. I’d have never had a home-dye disaster if she was still close at hand. She always steered me to the perfect foundation, conditioner, moisturiser or lipstick in her beauty cupboard. (Then I’d pop into the food department to sample the latest biscuits, slices, pies, stir-fries being tested. Which probably explains the aforementioned poddle.) Now I’m on my own. Well, until I get that lottery money. Then I’ll have lots of help.

TONIGHT’S MENU: Baked honey & basil salmon with cous cous. I’ll let you know if it’s any good.