Bread and butter

A blog post landed in my inbox this week from My Midlife Mayhem, entitled: Why My 60th Will Be A Women-Only Birthday Party.

Timely, considering I just turned 58.

These were the first few sentences of the post: “To celebrate my birthday this year, I have decided on a lunchtime party for my women friends, primarily to acknowledge their value in my life and secondly, because I suspect we will have a better time without the men.

“Harsh, I know, but this birthday is an important milestone for me and it seems logical to share it with a group of people who value me and share similar life experiences and future goals. In fairness, women also ask questions of each other, listen to the views of others, and are more open to discussing any topic.”

It sounds like My Midlife Mayhem has met some very tedious men in recent years. And she makes some good points in her post.

It got me thinking about the experiences of my youth versus my midlife.

Back in 2012, I commented on someone’s blog post that: “Women are my bread and butter.  Men are my chilli crab.”

Yes, I actually typed those words.

I insisted that I wasn’t saying women were boring. “Nothing beats a chunk of fresh bread with lashings of good butter,” I said. “And I have no idea why I chose chilli crab to describe men, other than it’s spicy and moreish … Not sure that came out right. No need to lock up your husbands.”

I concluded that “Men are wired differently and it fascinates me.”

Thirteen years later, men being wired differently no longer fascinates me. And I’m a bit embarrassed to have divided the sexes into bread and butter versus chilli crab.

I don’t know whether it’s a menopause thing, but all interactions are my bread and butter these days, male or female. Every now and then a serve of chilli crab comes along, but it could be in male or female form.

At the same time, I find myself blessedly relieved to be free of the whole male gaze thing. I literally do not care any more. Well, other than DD’s gaze.

I am a brain before I am a body and I see everyone around me the same way. Gender is irrelevant.

My favourite times of the week are when I go walking with female friends, or swirl a glass of pink wine while talking at DD.

As for a 60th birthday, I have no desire for one, but if I did the guest list wouldn’t be all-female.

My Midlife Mayhem wants it that way because most of her girlfriends share a similar desire to remain curious during this chapter of our lives, to continue to learn, grow and evolve.

“We haven’t written ourselves off – as society would have us do – and are open to new experiences,” she said.

She feels many men are not so open.

I’ve certainly experienced that, but I am lucky to have people of both sexes in my life who remain curious and love to have an energetic conversation and a laugh.

Those laughs are important because most people my age are dealing with some pretty intense stuff.

As Midlife Mayhem notes, women for example, are battling the “pressure of balancing their jobs with running a household and providing elderly parent care at the same time as coping with hot flushes, insomnia, joint pain and mood changes.”

Oh yes, we are!

But I’m lucky to have a partner who is every bit as excited as me to keep exploring the world and having new experiences. He just doesn’t show it in the same effusive way that I do.

Song of the day: Shania Twain & Harry Styles “Man I feel like a Woman”