Keeping me awake

I am very bleary this week from lack of sleep. My brain is whirring even faster than usual. It is contemplating the most random things late at night and early in the morning.

Topics include what cruise I should book in 2026, whether the eldest wants to move out because I talk too much, what properties I would buy the kids if I won the lottery, whether I will move into the RSL Union prize apartment in Burleigh Heads if I win it or rent it out, what shade of brown sandals would go best with my new moss green linen pants and where to find them, what I fancy for dinner this weekend, where I should take friends visiting us on the Northern Beaches in November, which terrible ailment matches the youngest’s symptoms on Google, wondering if I can be bothered depriving myself to the extent required to lose weight, deciding what time I should leave to drive to Byron if I go to the last Bluesfest in April, fearing my speech for the Australian Gin Awards sucks and thinking I should have practiced it at least once before tonight … etc, etc.

Exhausting. My chest is tight and my stomach is in knots from the panic caused by trying to make so many decisions at once. I know it’s irrational but I can’t shut the thoughts out.

DD’s last text message to me a few nights ago before I went to bed was “please relax”.

Never in the history of anxiety has telling someone to relax ever made them relaxed. 

The next morning kicked off with this message from DD at 6.30am …

Why was I researching stinger suits at 6.30am? We are contemplating a trip to Queensland during stinger season. Normally I would immediately dismiss the idea because if there’s anything that scares me more than public humiliation it’s Irukandji – the smallest and one of the most venomous jellyfish in the world – but we’ve been offered an excellent travel deal.

And if there’s anything I love more than my new moss green linen pants it’s an excellent travel deal.

Anyhoo, I have months to worry about that. In the shorter term, wish me luck with my unrehearsed speech tonight.

I lost hours of sleep last night to stressing about that … and whether I could hear a powerful owl outside my window … and whether it could snatch my dogs if I’m not vigilant enough on late night walks …

Excuse me while I Google what powerful owls sound like …

Song of the day: The Swingers “Counting the beat”