Technical difficulties

My modem/router/whatever-you-call-it carked it on Friday.

I didn’t know it was the modem/router/whatever that had carked it at the time. I just knew my wi-fi WASN’T working.

I’d let the youngest walk home by herself for the first time on the strict condition that she send me a message on her iPad the moment she walked through the door.

She bloody didn’t.

When I got out of the car all feisty, she fell into my arms sobbing: “The wi-fi isn’t working!!!!!”

Poor pet, she was terrified she’d screwed up her walking home privileges.

I tried to work out what was wrong, but I’m soooo not technical. DD and my ex both offered the helpful text suggestions that I try restarting the modem/router/whatever. OK, I’m not technical, but I DID know to do THAT.

I finally called my service provider when the orange light on the modem/router/whatever stubbornly refused to go green after 30 minutes of fiddling. Iinet tricked me by saying I could either remain on hold or be called back in an hour if I left my number … four hours later …

A rather nice woman in some obscure call centre tried to help, but failed.

It was 9.30pm by that stage and she insisted there were no problems at her end so I might want to try another router/modem/whatever. Who has another router/modem/whatever just lying around? I bloody don’t. She suggested I borrow the neighbour’s router/modem/whatever.

I’m not exactly buddies with the neighbours. Well, we were besties for about five minutes when they wanted me to go halves in a new fence. The old one was sturdy but ugly. A month or two later a “for sale” sign went up out the front of their place.

They neglected to mention that’s why they wanted a new fence and I was the only chump on the three sides who ponied up. Once they got the fence money they never spoke to me again. They sold their house for an absolute bomb. They’ll be moving soon I presume.

So I wasn’t going to knock on their door.

The nice woman on the phone said she’d call me back the next day after I tracked down a new router/modem/whatever and tested it on the line. I decided not to tell her the long-winded story of how I wasn’t going to have time to get a new router/modem/whatever because I was spending the whole weekend at the State Skipping Championships, only coming up for air to have dinner at my sister’s house to celebrate my mum’s birthday.

(I’d also like to note that the nice woman DIDN’T call me back like she’d promised. Fibber.)

On Sunday morning, DD called and said he had a “deal” for me. He’d come over and take my computer away and see what he could do to fix it.

I’m not sure why he thought it was a “deal”. It was just him being very sweet.

He was in the area because he’d been on a 20km bike ride with his mates in the rain. The youngest had never seen a soggy man in full cycling lycra before and was quite scandalised.

“Mum! WHAT is he WEARING???” she hissed.

We were on our way to the second day of skipping, so I let him into the house and scarpered. He took my computer and hard drive to his house and gave it a clean and an overhaul. He was horrified by the thick layer of dust over the air vents and the smears all over the screen. It made the former pharmacist in him shudder uncontrollably.

Sadly, he couldn’t reset his spare modem for me and said I’d need to invest in a new one for around $100.

Around $100 is quite a lot of money for me these days, but I really need wi-fi, so I sighed and agreed to get one.

The youngest finished skipping at 1.30pm. I drove my parents to their car so they could head back to Newcastle for a Cambodian fundraiser, popped into my divine friend Mel’s Verducci party for a quick chat, headed to Good Guys to drop $94 on a new modem, then drove to the Northern Beaches to collect my buffed and polished computer.

Bless him.

DD is also a bit worried I’m anaemic – I’ve been sick now for almost a month – he keeps pulling my eyelids down in a very sexy fashion to examine the colour of my eyeballs, so he bought me a steak for dinner before packing the computer in my car for the long trip home.

And then I lost two hours of my life trying to connect the farking new modem. DD had promised he’d be on the other end of the phone for technical support, but he fell asleep because he was exhausted from his 20km bike ride, so I was on my own.

I couldn’t get too cross because he’d been a pretty awesome boyfriend most of the day.

I finally connected the router/modem/whatever at 11.30pm after much angst and tears and crawled into bed … which is a VERY long-winded explanation of why I didn’t blog for two whole days.

Bloody computers.

Are you technical?

Song of the day: The Style Council “You’re the best thing”


8 thoughts on “Technical difficulties

  1. Ummm…. y did u need to buy 1?? Doesnt your internet provider supply them?? Ive never bought a modem… in fact, found 2 brand new in boxes here last week tidying up that i had been sent over the years…

  2. Hilarious post. I loved it. Scotto always has a spare everything hanging around the house. He has cupboards full of stuff. We lost our WiFi on Monday morning too but that was a server fault not us. Your neighbours don’t sound very nice. Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  3. I can be quite technical when I need to be. I get quite frustrated with tech support sometimes they do treat you like an idiot and they also rarely call back when they say they will.

    If you can prove that the modem is faulty and they supplied it to you then I would be asking for a new one from them (though the $100 you have is prob better than the one supplied) that way you will have a back up one if you need it!

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