I hate you all

When I was a young lass, my nickname was Cinderella because I was never up past midnight.

Now that I’m an old bird, I’m rarely up past 10pm.

But I took temporary leave of my senses on Monday, seduced by drinks with my dear former workmates, and didn’t get home until the ungodly hour of 11pm. I’d been meaning to catch the last express bus around 9pm, but I was talking way too much – erm, possibly ranting – to check the time.

Things turned ugly when I woke up at 3.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep. There may have been a teensy hangover involved.

As you can imagine, I was a barrel of laughs yesterday. Not even Diet Coke could cheer me up, especially when I remembered I’d left the car in a no-parking-after-8.30am zone the night before … 30 minutes walk away.

When I returned, seven painters had descended like flies as part of the sale schmick-a-thon. The whole house became a simultaneous war zone and stayed that way until 7pm.

Tricky with a mad moodle darting around the place.

So I became a refuge in my car for the better part of the day … with the mad moodle clambering all over me. Three-point turns are bloody tricky with a black, furry thing hooked over your arm, let me tell you.

Many vicious imaginary arguments with my estranged spouse and the role he’s played in my current situation were enacted in my head.

When the time came for school pick-up, I ditched the kids’ swimming lessons due to the mad moodle situation and we trailed aimlessly around the streets, effectively homeless. Come dinner time we sloped off to the local chargrilled chicken shop, which had the audacity to charge me $38 for three serves of 1/4 chook and chips. But at least the dog could sit at our feet while we ate.

As they finally left, the painters cheerily informed me I’d need to leave all the doors in the house open for the night, or at least until 10pm, to give them time to dry. Cue more vicious imaginary arguments with my permanently absent spouse, gadding about on the other side of the city, responsibility free.

I couldn’t even watch TV because every piece of furniture in the living room was heaped in the centre to avoid contact with the sticky paint.

My plans for crawling into bed around 8pm bit the dust, or make that joined all the paint dust that now covers every square centimetre of the house, which leads me to my song of the day … Get Set Go’s “I hate everyone” (the kids love singing along to this one)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don’t, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all