Everything will be OK

I keep having these bursts of profound joy. I was about to dismiss them as by-products of caffeine, but then I remembered having one on Monday afternoon when there were no artificial stimulants involved.

They usually occur when I’m walking in the autumn sunshine.  And they’ve been enhanced by whispering words of wisdom and letting it be.

I think it’s having the right mindset that brings them on … embracing the fact that worrying will achieve nothing, everything will be OK, it’s bound to work out for the best in the end.

Sometimes doubts set in and I start thinking all the big WHY questions. But I’m trying to push them away. They just make my chest tight and chase sleep away.

In the meantime, I love my kids to bits. It almost feels like I love them MORE. Not seeing them for a day is so, so hard. People tell me I’ll learn to relish my days alone. But at the moment I want to hug those gorgeous little creatures all the time.

On Monday I was feeling a little moochy about having not seen them since Sunday morning. And I suddenly realised I COULD. The youngest was doing gymnastics at the local hall. I could go and watch her cartwheel and twirl. Cue burst of joy.

So I slipped on my walking shoes and smiled my way through the streets to see my little blonde dynamo. I can’t say it was the most fascinating hour of my life, but I left my phone firmly in my handbag and drank in every single second of that class. I might not have that many more chances to slip into that smelly hall at 5.30pm on a Monday afternoon, so I’m going to make the most of them while I can.

What fills you with joy?

PS: That’s not to say there haven’t been many, many bursts of profound sadness as well this week. But everything will be OK. It will.

Song of the day: Louis Armstrong “What a wonderful world”