I got a call from an old friend this week. She had a strictly anonymous story to tell. She thought it might come in handy for my blog. After the usual pleasantries about how the kids and respective partners were faring, she got down to business. Her bloke popped over for some jiggery pokery recently. They toddled off to the kitchen afterwards for a nice cuppa. The dog wandered in looking “guilty” … And you know, as soon as she mentioned the dog looking guilty, I guessed what was coming next. No pun intended. I felt the way you might if a cute bunny hopped into the middle of the road and you slammed on the brakes but it was too late and you were like nooooo, don’t squish the cute bunny … babooomp … Yup, as I’d guessed, the dog had eaten the used condom. My friend and her partner turned the bedroom upside down, just to be sure, but there was no profolactic to be found. My friend is deeply attached to her dog and was concerned for its welfare. So she called the vet, explained her pet had gobbled a rubber with jism in it and asked his advice. The vet – who has apparently dealt with such situations many times – said my friend could wait to see if the condom either passed through or blocked the dog’s intestine (which would require vastly expensive surgery) or she could pop down to the surgery with her sperm-loving pup so vomitting could be induced. My friend chose the induced-vomitting scenario and paid $270 to hug her little bow-wow while it puked its guts up – including, fortunately, the condom – for the next two hours. Quite the expensive shag. I thanked my friend for sharing her story. I said it would make a brilliant starting point for a blog about expensive vet visits. I regaled her with tales of another friend who spent $900 trying to save her child’s beloved guinea pig, of my sister-in-law being assured her injured chook could be hauled back from the brink of death for $670, and the school mum who chose not to spent $2000 on chemo for her 18-year-old cat. And then I thought, no, the slurpy doggie can hold a blog all on its own.