Day 8: hygiene on the high seas

There I was, typing frantically to minimize my 65c-a-minute wi-fi charges, saying uh-huh, uh-huh to Sprog 2’s chatter, not really listening, when the word “nits” penetrated my ipad cone of concentration. My head snapped up: “What did you just say?” “One of the boys in kids’ club has nits,” Sprog 2 cheerily repeated. “That’s why he wears a hat. I heared him tell anudder boy.” What joyous news, considering kids’ club is where Sprog 1 is currently ensconced, playing tag, potentially knocking the hats off nit-infested boys and scattering the little buggers around the room. What parent knowingly sends their nit-infested child to kids’ club? I’m guessing the kind who prefer to sun themselves poolside, child-free and cocktail in hand at 11am, spreading their own nit infestation among the adult passengers in the gentle sea breeze. How exactly one deals with a nit outbreak on a cruise ship is already torturing me. I didn’t notice any nit treatments sitting alongside the band-aids and sunscreen in the gift shop. Perhaps the medical centre offers treatment to those willing to pony up $200 for a doctor’s appointment (the medical centre operates under insane US insurance guidelines and therefore charges prohibitively). If – god forbid – we start to itch, I’ll be hunting down that cocktail-swilling, nit-carrying family and demanding to know why they didn’t fix their little problem in Auckland. Ironically, I’d already earmarked today’s blog as “Hygiene on the High Seas”, prior to the nit bombshell. (I know, I know, nits aren’t hygiene-related, they don’t discriminate according to cleanliness or socio-economic standing. Bogan heads aren’t tastier than snob heads. But I wish idiot heads were their fave, because only a complete moron would think popping a hat on little Johnny before kids’ club was a responsible way to stop the little buggers going berko.) The ship itself takes hygiene ultra-seriously. There are hand sanitizer machines positioned outside every dining area and on deck prior to arrivals and departures. The bathrooms have signs advising people to use paper towels to open the door handles. There are warnings above every water dispenser saying plastic water bottles are not be refilled for health reasons. The tourist information pamphlet handed to passengers when disembarking in Auckland carried warnings about the local water supply, advising passengers to drink bottled water and not to order ice in their drinks (bwahahahaha, hotbed of infectious water, New Zealand). So I’m wondering how cruise staff will handle the nit situation when I stomp up to kids’ club and make my concern loudly known. Will advise.Tonight’s entertainment: Mentalist Phoenix (“feats of psychological entertainment … as seen on Australia’s Got Talent”) Sprog 1 mega-keen, Mummy not so much, fingers crossed Nonna and Pop will step up.