They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at... Continue Reading →

The extended family pronounced this delicious at lunchtime and asked if I was going to blog the recipe. It was only then that I realised I hadn't photographed it. Oooops. Fortunately Husband hadn't started eating his piece yet, so I whipped it away for a dodgy snapshot. I'd have served it with more care if I'd remembered it was for public consumption. The banana pudding... Continue Reading →

Remember fireworks night when you were a kid? A bonfire on the vacant block, the neighbourhood dads attempting to blow their hands off with gunpowder, the local demon-spawn kid terrifying you with double-bungers ... ah, those were the days. Can't think why fireworks sales were banned. Despite the sheer terror that sparklers continue to instil in me (like needles on turntables, I've always been... Continue Reading →

All around me, friends and neighbours are getting work done. They're hell-bent on makeovers and they'll do whatever it takes to have one. I admire their determination. But I've decided I'm past it. I've been compiling mental lists of all the things I'm too old to do. (Do I know how to show myself a good time... Continue Reading →

I've been a busy girl today. Check out my celebrity blather at Village Voices. I'm raving about NW, Tori Spelling and wobbly self-esteem. Go to ... http://blogs.kidspot.com.au/villagevoices/has-tori-spelling-sold-out/

I packed Sprog 2 off to school yesterday, amid feeble protests and further melodramatic coughs. I figured three days at home was enough, for both of us. Besides, the cleaners were coming, plus I had a gym class and lunch with a friend. To increase my chances of attending both, I handed Sprog 2 a $2 coin... Continue Reading →

I threw away all my fishnet stockings yesterday. Even the ones with the silver seams up the back. Not much call for fishnet stockings with silver seams at school pick-up. Despite there being a disproportionate number of retrenched dads loitering around. Way too obvious ... Joke. My wardrobe cull has reached the underwear drawer, where... Continue Reading →

My name is Alana House and I'm a shopping addict. I buy clothes and stash them - like an alcoholic and their four-litre flagons of sherry - in all my cupboards and drawers. I cleared out my wardrobe yesterday to make room for the half a GAP store I bought in Hawaii and counted my orange T-shirts. There were six. Who needs... Continue Reading →

Sprog 2 was home "sick" yesterday. Lots of melodramatic coughing and puppy dog eyes. I figured it wouldn't hurt to give her a day off. But you can't make the experience too attractive or they'll want to do it all the time. So I told her she had to lie in bed for an hour... Continue Reading →