Booze, brawls, nudity and humiliation …

I need them every day. If I don’t get them, I panic. I lie awake at night obsessing about them. If I don’t have them, I dredge up old brawls and humiliations instead. I’m an addict, desperate for hits … on my blog. (Sorry, cheap trick.) In the four months since I started blogging, I’ve discovered those are the big four. They’re guaranteed to reel ’em in, every time.  My top blogs since I started housegoeshome?Family Fatigue Syndrome (being fed up with the Husband and Sprogs at the end of school holidays); Caught Short (weeing behind a tree); Fighting Words (having a stoush with Husband); and OMG There Was A GFC! (failing to notice the financial crisis, despite being at its epi-centre). When I ask people about their favourite blogs, the phrase “what does that say about me?” comes up, a lot. Fortunately/unfortunately, incidents involving booze, brawls, nudity or humiliation don’t happen every day. So I occasionally resort to navel gazing or my chooks. Not quite as popular. Total duds actually. Which is weird, as I find my navel endlessly fascinating, especially when the lint builds up. My neighbour recently asked if I made any of my blogs up. I don’t. They’re 100% true, despite my history as a tabloid journalist. Am I embroidering them, just a tad? Nup, scout’s honour (I dated a scout once, so I’m jiggy with such vows. Actually, he might still be a scout … he was when we broke up 22 years ago. Twenty-two years ago, fark! That’s scary. Are you still a scout, ex-boyfriend?) So, while I haven’t managed any booze abuse, brawls, nudity or humiliation for you today, they’re bound to pop up again soon. My life tends to be like that. Stay tuned …

DIET TRANSGRESSIONS: Don’t go there. The things you eat in airports and on planes … terrible. But I’m back on the diet today. I bought lots of rocket yesterday in preparation.

TONIGHT’S DINNER: Taking the Sprogs to the RSL nextdoor to my script-writing course for kids’ meals while we wait for Husband, who will take them home to bed while I labour over my script.