I've lost it. Totally lost it. Nothing else explains my delirious excitement about Christmas. I can't wait. I'm beside myself with anticipation. I haven't felt this way since I was 10. Well, more like 22. (There was this crazy phase between 18 and 22 where I sewed Christmas stockings for my parents, sister and grandparents and buzzed around searching for little gifts to fill them with each... Continue Reading →

There's this song stuck in my head. It's by The Village People. The Village People were my favourite band when I was 13. I saw Can't Stop The Music many, many, many times at the cinema. (Erm, and I now own it on DVD.) I wanted to marry Randy. He was the cowboy. I had no idea The Village People were... Continue Reading →

Some school mums got naked in the lounge room yesterday. I wanted to strip and join them, but I was too shy. They go to the gym every day, they're all skinny and toned. They tried to talk me into taking my clothes off. They assured me a bit of belly blubber didn't matter. I just couldn't. Let me explain ... the mums have bought a salon-standard... Continue Reading →

What sadist mother came up with the concept of sending your child to school with cupcakes on their birthday? Twenty-six more bloody cupcakes. I've had it up to HERE with sugar, butter and flour. I spent all of Friday baking spider cupcakes, tombstone cupcakes and eyeball soup birthday cakes for Sprog 1's birthday party. The chickens... Continue Reading →

Someone asked if I was pregnant in the playground yesterday. I get that a lot. And it's not just a since-I-left-work-and-let-myself-go thing. Once, when the office lunch trolley man posed the question, I growled, "Nuh, just fat ... pass the lasagne." Years ago, a French work associate congratulated me on my happy news. I told him I was "just fat" too.... Continue Reading →

I'm going off the grog. Well, except for fortifieds after dinner, but they don't really count, they're just dessert. Oh, and weekends. Can't possibly go off the grog on weekends. Too many occasions that require social lubricant. So, I'm going off the grog from Monday to Friday. Well, except when I go out on Wednesdays. (Husband is home on Wednesdays, so... Continue Reading →

Sprog 1's birthday party was AWESOME. There were a few tense moments. Like when I forgot to give the "gross party" entertainers my phone number (and didn't have theirs), so they couldn't call to confirm they were coming and just sent a vague email wishing me a "great weekend". That freaked me out. I mean, shouldn't they have said "see... Continue Reading →

We had a mums' morning tea earlier this week to farewell one of the fold. She's returning to full-time employment after four and a half years at home. I've only been at home four and a half months. If I stay at home for four and a half years, I'll be 48. I'm not sure how exciting I'll... Continue Reading →

I am doing many strange things today. Like making a cake that looks like a cauldron, filling it with plastic eyeballs and lolly snakes, then sloshing icing "soup" around them. It's the centrepiece for Sprog 1's "gross" birthday party tomorrow. Such creative endeavours are not my forte, so I'm slightly nervous. I have lots of big ideas, but not a drop of artistic blood flows through my veins. It didn't stop... Continue Reading →

Husband and I had lunch in Surry Hills yesterday. It was another world. There were all these leggy girls wandering around with white mascara (bizarre new beauty trend?) and orange fake tans. They looked like aliens. (But were possibly models.) The restaurant was filled with Rococco furniture and garden gnomes. People were drinking Mumm champagne, laughing merrily... Continue Reading →