I need them every day. If I don't get them, I panic. I lie awake at night obsessing about them. If I don't have them, I dredge up old brawls and humiliations instead. I'm an addict, desperate for hits ... on my blog. (Sorry, cheap trick.) In the four months since I started blogging, I've discovered those are the big four. They're guaranteed to reel 'em in, every time.  My top blogs... Continue Reading →

"Where's she gone?" a woman cheerily asked me yesterday. I was on my own, she was with her husband and dog. I'd never seen her before in my life. What the hell did she mean? I obsessed over it for a good hour, because I think too much (and not in a constructive, find-a-cure-for-cancer way).... Continue Reading →

Einstein's Theory of Relativity is about there being no such thing as an absolute position or speed or momentum in the universe. My Theory of Inevitability is about there being no such thing as absolute peace or sense or lack of momentum in the universe of parenting. Some of the major points that make up my theory are ... 1. While... Continue Reading →

Is it wrong to fill a mini water-spray bottle with vodka and take it to a restaurant? The place was BYO, but plonking a litre of vodka on the table didn't seem quite the done thing (perfectly acceptable in Russia, not as much on Sydney's north shore). So why did slipping that little bottle into my handbag make me feel so ... dirty? I initially put the vodka into... Continue Reading →

I am sooooo not politically correct enough. If I was, I'd be attaching a note to my child's birthday invitations saying: "No gifts please, Sprog 2 would prefer you to make a donation to the Literacy For Boys charity." Sprog 2 definitely isn't politically correct enough for notes like that. She'd go mental if I banned presents from... Continue Reading →

Are you happy? Are you unhappy? Are you sure? How can you tell? I think there should be a pill that people take - just once, mid-life - that shows what true happiness feels like. I don't mean blurry alcohol or drug induced euphoria, with its subsequent hangover and regrets. (I'm giving that one a whirl at... Continue Reading →

They say bad things come in threes. Like the time Sprog 1 tripped over Husband's ugg boot and hit her head on the corner of a wardrobe, drank old milk from a stray baby bottle, then started throwing up. (Those vomit stories just keep on coming!) Was it concussion, food poisoning or a virus? We went to Casualty to... Continue Reading →

Do your children snack on fruit, low-sodium wholewheat crackers and natural yoghurt? Well bully for you. Sprog 2's diet drives me to despair. She's a processed food junkie. There's one faintly beige "wholemeal" bread she'll eat. Her morning tea is a shameful collection of little plastic-wrapped, artificially coloured and flavoured treats. Getting her to consume... Continue Reading →

Fresh air, cheap houses, gourmet produce ... Every time I visit Albury I want to move there. Really. It helps that my parents-in-law live in fantasy land. They have a brand new house with every mod-con, even a ducted vacuum system. Ooooh, I'd love a ducted vacuum system. The in-laws serve fancy nibbles before dinner each night:... Continue Reading →