I'm writing this poolside during the Men's Bellyflop Championship. Some damn fine bellies on display. I will upload an action shot when I get home. You'll just have to use your imagination for now. Eight hefty male passengers take turns climbing onto a podium and flinging themselves at 180 degree angles into the water, landing... Continue Reading →

We crossed the Equator yesterday. There was a big ceremony. King Neptune attended. Passengers were voluntarily humiliated at his feet  - commanded to get down on their knees and have spaghetti and tomato sauce thrown over them. Apparently it's a traditional sailor-type activity, I'm assuming far more inappropriate hazing usually happens at sea. But this... Continue Reading →

While it wasn't love at first sight for me and Bora Bora - geez, I know, hard to please - I felt quite distressed to be leaving when the ship pulled out through the hole in the reef (helpfully dynamited open by the Americans during World War 2). No land again for five whole days.... Continue Reading →

I was hugged by a stingray yesterday. I swore I wouldn't do it. Just the idea of some big flappy thing - supposedly de-barbed - sweeping around made me shudder. (Even without a certain Irwin fellow's demise.) The reality of the stingray encounter was even freakier than I imagined, with lots of little sharks and... Continue Reading →

Don't get a fat analysis while on holiday. Too bloody depressing. I got one and am now the proud owner of a supermarket-like docket telling me I have 10% excess body fat, need to lose 8.8kg and have 3.9kg of "toxic water" sloshing around in my body, which must be removed with expensive seaweed tablets... Continue Reading →

Most people get browner as their holiday progresses. I'm getting paler. I started out a lovely continental colour, but I'm returning to a shade that Stuart Keats, a boy I quite fancied in high school, once described as a "sock tan". My fake glow is inelegantly fading as we approach warmer climes. I have two... Continue Reading →

So much for restraint. I'm still troughing at the buffet every day. Scary. Well, not as scary as some of the other plates I see, piled high with pizza and hamburger and fries, wobbling past (the seas are kinda rough at the moment). You know, I don't mean to be judgmental (kind of like when... Continue Reading →

There I was, typing frantically to minimize my 65c-a-minute wi-fi charges, saying uh-huh, uh-huh to Sprog 2's chatter, not really listening, when the word "nits" penetrated my ipad cone of concentration. My head snapped up: "What did you just say?" "One of the boys in kids' club has nits," Sprog 2 cheerily repeated. "That's why... Continue Reading →

Oh yeah, I say, life goes on. Long after the thrill of living is gone ... So, it's Tuesday again. Yes, that's right. Tuesday. Again. Something about some international date line thingy. On First Tuesday I went to brutal boot camp with Sister, sweated a lot, staggered stinky to breakfast, played mini golf, played table... Continue Reading →