So I'm minding my own business, grabbing a Diet Coke from the BBQ chicken shop, when I'm accosted by a sandwich-short-of-a-picnic person. My suburb doesn't usually run to those. It's more of a cranky old lady place. I'm also accustomed to being able to spot my crazy people a mile off. It was part of the job description when I worked a... Continue Reading →
Size of a house
I am fat again. I know because I keep having to adjust my waistband below my belly. I know because I have invested in lots of stretchy leggings to wear with baggy tops. I know because I pretend not to notice any of my "thin" clothes in the wardrobe when I'm deciding what to wear in the morning (and if I don't try... Continue Reading →
Clean freak-out
I had so many plans. I was going to write a movie script. I was going to organise all our digital photos into albums. I was going to join the gym and work-out every morning after school drop-off. All I've done is tidy up the frigging house. Over and over and OVER again. I wake up each morning... Continue Reading →
Ladies who (make) lunch
In my new role as Stepford Wifey, I've been packing lunch for Husband. While housekeeping and gardening services remain essentials in our new constrained budget, a lunchbag for Husband seems an unnecessary extravagance. So I've been making him take an old jungle-decorated one belonging to Sprog 2. Husband is worried the jungle lunchbag is lowering him in the estimations of the pretty... Continue Reading →
Weird thing, I think I love you …
A funny thing happened on the way home from jail yesterday. I looked out the car window and saw a guy toting an enormous wooden cross down the street. I'm talking three metres long by two metres wide and really thick. There weren't any churches nearby. He didn't look like a nut job. More like a... Continue Reading →
Jail break
I went to jail today. I feel positively racy announcing that in white-bread social circles. I was only visiting, but it's quite the conversation starter. I was a bit scared the first time I went to jail. I thought there would be lots of menacing, tattoo-covered thugs trying to steal my purse. However, most people look just like my neighbours. It makes you wonder what their... Continue Reading →
Junk food junkie
Junk food wasn't so scary when I was a kid. Well, I ate plenty of scary junk food, but I wasn't scared of it. I voraciously consumed it with absolutely no concern for its effect on my health. I was reminded of my junk addiction when a friend reminisced about the sausage rolls on buns they served at his school canteen. I responded that I... Continue Reading →
Different sorts of funny
I was hoping something funny would happen on my first day of school canteen duty, so I could write about it this afternoon. But nothing did. Well, nothing funny ha-ha. Plenty of other sorts of funny. Like, funny how many potato gems high-school girls can eat at 10.45am. Here was me thinking they all had eating... Continue Reading →
Honey, I’m home!
Today is Husband-turns-housewife day. I'm very excited. Wednesdays were supposed to be Husband-and-I-rediscover-why-we-love-each-other days, but who's to argue when an old work colleague is over my side of town and fancies yum cha? I've kicked things off by making Husband drop the kids at school (to be fair, he does that every Wednesday, but I need material). They departed with the usual tirades... Continue Reading →
I’ll drink to that
I felt all virtuous when the woman from the wine club rang me with a "very special deal" on a case of all their "premium wines" at an average of $17 a bottle, with "no delivery charge". I said "no, sorry, unemployed, can't afford it". She wasn't going to give up that easily, "We could... Continue Reading →
