Ladies who (make) lunch

In my new role as Stepford Wifey, I’ve been packing lunch for Husband. While housekeeping and gardening services remain essentials in our new constrained budget, a lunchbag for Husband seems an unnecessary extravagance. So I’ve been making him take an old jungle-decorated one belonging to Sprog 2. Husband is worried the jungle lunchbag is lowering him in the estimations of the pretty […]

Weird thing, I think I love you …

A funny thing happened on the way home from jail yesterday. I looked out the car window and saw a guy toting an enormous wooden cross down the street. I’m talking three metres long by two metres wide and really thick. There weren’t any churches nearby. He didn’t look like a nut job. More like a […]

Jail break

I went to jail today. I feel positively racy announcing that in white-bread social circles. I was only visiting, but it’s quite the conversation starter. I was a bit scared the first time I went to jail. I thought there would be lots of menacing, tattoo-covered thugs trying to steal my purse. However, most people look just like my neighbours. It makes you wonder what their […]

Junk food junkie

Junk food wasn’t so scary when I was a kid. Well, I ate plenty of scary junk food, but I wasn’t scared of it. I voraciously consumed it with absolutely no concern for its effect on my health. I was reminded of my junk addiction when a friend reminisced about the sausage rolls on buns they served at his school canteen. I responded that I […]

Different sorts of funny

I was hoping something funny would happen on my first day of school canteen duty, so I could write about it this afternoon. But nothing did. Well, nothing funny ha-ha. Plenty of other sorts of funny. Like, funny how many potato gems high-school girls can eat at 10.45am. Here was me thinking they all had eating […]

Honey, I’m home!

Today is Husband-turns-housewife day. I’m very excited. Wednesdays were supposed to be Husband-and-I-rediscover-why-we-love-each-other days, but who’s to argue when an old work colleague is over my side of town and fancies yum cha? I’ve kicked things off by making Husband drop the kids at school (to be fair, he does that every Wednesday, but I need material). They departed with the usual tirades […]

I’ll drink to that

I felt all virtuous when the woman from the wine club rang me with a “very special deal” on a case of all their “premium wines” at an average of $17 a bottle, with “no delivery charge”. I said “no, sorry, unemployed, can’t afford it”. She wasn’t going to give up that easily, “We could […]

Trolley confidential

I seem to do most of my socialising in the aisles of my local supermarket these days. It’s a heady whirl of smiles, waves and chats that add at least another 20 minutes to the trip. It can also result in being too distracted to ask for cash out at the check-out or forgetting some vital ingredient for […]

Plastic not-so-fantastic

You know you’re getting old when you stand around pondering botox with the other mums at a kids’ birthday party. As I have prior knowledge of the botox experience, I was the centre of attention. It all started with a “botox splint” the plastic surgeon recommended when I wanted a pregnancy-induced granuloma thingy removed from […]

Getting messy

I’ve gone all Stepford Wives and started baking. I realised I might be getting a little carried away when I made cupcakes from scratch yesterday for a playdate. After I iced them, decorated them with little edible hearts and artfully arranged them on a platter with strawberries and watermelon (was going for a pink theme), I paused and […]