Oddly enough, on this day last year I was pondering my future. And today I am too.
Last year I found myself unexpectedly unemployed. This year I’m on the brink of unemployment by design. In less than a month I’ll be a stay-at-home mum. It’s exciting and scary in equal parts.
Here’s what I had to say about the situation when it was forced upon me last year:
Most achievements in my life have been spurred on by an “I’ll show you!” attitude.
When I was a teenager, my parents and The Newcastle Star newspaper suggested I wasn’t cut out to be a journalist (too shy). I thought “I’ll show you!” and got myself a cadetship at The Newcastle Herald.
When I was retrenched from my first magazine job, I thought “I’ll show you!” and nabbed a gig at Cosmopolitan magazine.
When the editor disregarded me as a mousy little thing, I thought “I’ll show you!” and climbed through the ranks to deputy editor.
When I wasn’t progressing from deputy editor, I thought “I’ll show you!” and moved to Singapore to edit a magazine there.
And so on …
But it didn’t seem to matter what I achieved in my career, I always felt like a failure. Working in Singapore and New York, editing Woman’s Day when it was selling 540,000 copies a week, being promoted to editorial director of Woman’s Day, Take 5 and TV Week magazines, creating a series of children’s cookbooks … none of it reassured me that I’d done OK.
Now, as I sit pondering my next move, I don’t have any more “I’ll show you”s in me. Thumbing my nose at my doubters isn’t holding the same attraction. Triumphing over my adversaries seems equally meaningless.
A year later, I no longer want to work in magazines, or prove anything to the people who still do. At least, I’m pretty sure I don’t. I mean, never say never, but social media is so much fun it would feel a bit weird going back. And I’m not the same person I was back then, all raw and angry.
As for the “I’ll show you” streak that runs through me … hmmmm …
So what’s next? Who knows. For the moment House Is Going Home Again.
And I’m really looking forward to it. Especially the holiday I have planned with Husband and the kids in January.
As for whether I’m really cut out for the whole stay-at-home mum gig, I’ll keep you posted.
What are your plans for 2014? Got any yet?