It’s one of those mornings where I sit in front of the computer all panicked, thinking what the fark do I blog about today? cause absolutely nuthin’ happened yesterday.
All I did was unpack our glassware – after four years in the attic – and wash the cockroach poop out of it. Nuh, not even remotely blog-worthy.
Then took Sprog 2 to an indoor play centre. Ditto.
Then I loaded up her up with four free trial packs of bunny kitty litter and instructed her to run out the pet store door before anyone could shout “only one per customer ma’am.” I figured the shortest person would be the least obvious …
Potentially fraught, but we escaped without incident.
Then I hosted a playdate for Sprog 2 and her best friend, who she “broke up with” on the last week of school but who fortunately seemed to have forgotten the ugly incident and was quite happy to play “mummy and bunny” with Sprog 2 for two hours.
Then I dropped the best friend home and was met at the door by her grandmother, who informed me she was visiting Sydney to escape the 47 degree heat in Bourke. Fark.
I briefly considered blogging about the weather, but no, I’m not that desperate.
Then took Sprog 2 to swimming lessons at a sweltering indoor pool and giggled at a blog from The Bloggess entitled “What to Do When Your Kid Says, “I’M BORED” For the 9000th Time”, which included corker tips such as Right before they say that they’re bored, yell “I’M BORED” and then look at them with the same pleading look they give you. This will only work once but it’s fun to see the baffled look on their faces.” and “Play a game of Cinderella with them. Dress them in rags and make them clean out all of the fireplaces with their tiny little hands.”
Then I snorted in empathy with Kerri Sackville’s blog The Accidental Drunk ”I leaned in to him earnestly and took his face in my hands. “I don’t think I can drive,” I told him conspiratorially. “THEY’VE. SPIKED. MY. DRINK.”
“It’s called ‘alcohol’,” he said. “Come on kids. Finish your dinner. Mummy’s drunk.”
Then laughed myself silly again … this time at a youTube clip of the staff of Marie Claire flash mobbing the editor, Jacqui Frank, led by my awesome friend Sue Hoffman. Check it out by clicking here and marvel that nothing like that ever happens at your office.
At a stretch I might have been able to cobble that stuff together into another “Sooo funny” blog. Except I’d already shared them all on Facebook. Duh.
Then I tricked Sprog 2 into eating a dinner of spelt pasta with creamy pumpkin sauce by telling her it was macaroni cheese. But I can’t share the recipe. It’s not quite right yet. Still needs a bit of Heston-ing. And the pic has a touch of the vomit about it.
Then I sewed up a miniscule hole in Sprog 2′s giant teddy bear that she’d been bugging me about for days. Whatever.
Then I listened to Sprog 2 read me Moo, Baa, La-La-La. And read her Snow White and Goldilocks and The Three Bears. Vanilla.
Then I microwaved Husband’s dinner and chatted to him for a few minutes before he couch potatoed in front of the tennis. Yawn.
Then I madly scrubbed the kitchen after getting a call from my mum to say she’d be making a flying visit at 9.30am tomorrow. Hmmmm … nah. I’d need a mouse to run across her foot or something to make that good reading.
Then I sorted the washing. But Mrs Woog‘s already been there, riffed on that.
Then I clagged in bed. No cockroaches landed on my face. No neighbours shouted “drink it down, down, down at midnight”.
Total blogging desert.
Now, I know Seinfeld wrote nine whole series of his show about nothing, but it included great lines like “Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.”
Pitifully, all of the great lines in this blog have been stolen from other people.
But I’ve just realised it’s 700 words long, soooooo … see ya tomorrow. I promise something will have happened by then.
How was your yesterday?