The Mag I Bought This Week Award goes to …
In Magland, preparation for diet season (aka spring) starts early. Many hours are spent during winter debating whether to run a diet cover story on the first Monday of September or on the cover dated the first Monday of September (which comes out the week before, most confusing).
It gets angsty – you don’t want the competition to get in first and ruin your advantage.
So I’m a little surprised that everyone has waited until the second week of September to make their move. Especially with all the unseasonably hot weather we’ve been having. Thousands of magazine readers have been forced to strip down to T-shirts and expose their winter kilos.
They need help, they’re desperately seeking guidance from celebrities on how to shed the flab …
So who did I think did it best?
Click over to Village Voices to find out.
Kristen abuses the help
Dlisted reckons Kristen Stewart has been up to her old, unpleasant ways, snapping at her bodyguard: “Don’t fucking touch me, dude!” is what the paps say fell out of Kristen Stewart’s mouth this morning when a bodyguard tried to help her walk through the crowd at Pearson International Airport in Toronto … supposedly spending weeks Emo-ing into her bong over shitting on RPattz’s sparkly heart hasn’t changed her miserable bitch ways.
“KStew wore RPattz’s dirty hat on her head AGAIN and this means that either: a) The prop master of the staged production known as her fake relationship with RPattz hasn’t collected it yet or; b) KStew wants the dried unicorn sweat from RPattz’s enchanted forest hair on top of her head as much as possible; or c) That actually isn’t RPattz’s hat. KStew stole that hat from a hobo she bitched out after he looked at her funny. Shifty hobos and RPattz do have the exact same fashion sense.”
Miley escapes crazed stalker
According to USA Today, a man allegedly clutching a pair of scissors was arrested after he tried to force himself inside Miley Cyrus‘ house on the weekend: “Los Angeles police Lt. Brian Wendling says that employees inside the house in the Studio City area called police around 4 a.m. Saturday after the man came to the door and claimed to be a friend of the 19-year-old singer-actress.”
Says Dlisted: “Only a crazy bitch with insanity flowing through his brains would jump over Miley’s wall, because you don’t know what could be waiting for you on the other side. Trace Cyrus could be there, waiting to charge at you, kick you in the gut with his sharpened hoove or eat your clothes. Noah Cyrus could be there, waiting to show you the pole dancing routine she’s been practicing all day.Tish Cyrus could be there, waiting to freak you out with her droopy anime horse eyes. Or Billy Ray could be there, waiting to shoot you with his sawed-off shot gun before roasting you on his shopping cart grill. Basically, a bad scene will be waiting for you if you hop over Miley’s wall.”
Suri writes a book
A clever writer called Allie Hagan has created a blog pretending to be Suri Cruise, discussing the fashion wins and loses of other celebrity children as well as her own style inspirations and crazy life.
And now it’s been turned into a book - Suri’s Burn Book: Well-Dressed Commentary from Hollywood’s Little Sweetheart.
People reports: “Filled with Suri’s thoughts on everything from her fellow pint-size peers’ style (or lack thereof) to the swirling rumors surrounding her own high-end lifestyle, the book doesn’t pull any punches.
“I knew if I wrote [this blog] in my own voice it would come across as unnecessarily mean or crazy,” Hagan tells PEOPLE. “And then it came to me that it would be perfect if Suri did it.”
Hagan insists the commentary “is all in good fun” and should be taken lightly.
The first Mrs Cibrian denies affair
Now this is getting juicy. LeAnn Rimes checked into a facility last month for “stress and anxiety” after a string of Twitter messages from women criticizing how she hooked up with husband Eddie Cibrian during his marriage to his now ex-wife, Brandi Glanville.
Now the rumours are swirling that LeAnn’s stress was actually caused by Brandi shagging her ex-husband now he’s married to LeAnn.
“I’m NOT cheating with. Y ex husband I would never do that #EWWWWWW,” Brandi wrote on her Twitter page on Sunday.
“I totally support LeAnn’s decision to enter rehab,” Brandi said in a statement after LeAnn checked into the facility. “My top priority is my children and at the end of the day we are a family. LeAnn is their stepmom, and they love her. I am wishing her all the best and I hope she will find what she is looking for while in rehab.”
Watch this space …
Oh no, so sad! Radar On-line is reporting that one of Queen Elizabeth’s corgis who starred in the James Bond sketch for the Olympics opening ceremony, has died.
“Monty was one of three corgis who greeted actor Daniel Craig as he arrived at Buckingham Palace to accept a mission from the Queen. He also ran down the steps and performed tummy rolls in the now famous scene that opened the games in London. The 13-year-old pooch – who was previously owned by the Queen Mother – was the oldest of the royal corgis and leaves behind his furry co-stars Willow and Holly.”
Hot pics & clicks
* Ew, Rihanna and Chris Brown kissed at the MTV VMA awards.
* Yerk, I didn’t like Miley Cyrus‘ hairdo for the VMAs at all.
* Good heavens, check out John Hamm‘s schlong (still in his pants) in this pic …