If you’re a Housegoeshome regular, you will be aware that I am mildly nuts. Not as loopy as the woman who harasses the checkout chicks at my local IGA, demanding they admire her aura and explain why a Hollywood celebrity hasn’t swept her off her feet yet - but gently cuckoo.
If you are new to the blog, let me give you an example. I am hosting a Christmas in July gathering this weekend. Some old friends from Newcastle are driving down to join in the festivities. All seven of them are bunking in our house. It will be cosy. As Christmas should be.
I’ve become quite obsessed with planning for the event. I call Husband while he is at work to engage him in bizarre conversations about my latest brainwaves, such as making “a plum pudding that’s not like a traditional plum pudding, it has real plums in it, so it’s not dark and heavy, it’s light and I’m thinking about serving it with a creme anglaise …”
He’s like, uh-huh, whatever, all I can hear is white noise, can I go now?
I’ve had a little trouble sourcing a turkey. Well, a turkey that doesn’t cost me my entire week’s grocery budget. I even tried to get a turkey buffe – you know, one of those boneless turkey-like things that come in shrink-wrap, but I can’t find one of those either. What is wrong with the supermarkets? Do they not see the marketing potential in Christmas in July?
Fortunately, the local butcher shop sells turkey and sage sausages – obviously the local turkey farmers have realised they must do something with their birds before they get too tough. So I’m thinking I’ll pretend I’m being all ironic and modern and serve those with cranberry gravy or something.
It being Christmas In July, there must be crackers, or bon-bons, or whatever you call them. There simply must. These are also difficult to source in July. WTF?
After spending much time on the internet seeking crackers/bon-bons, I have some advice for cracker/bon-bon sellers: I am not going to spend $50 on a box of crackers/bon-bons when you don’t show me what’s in them. You might think a note explaining they contain a “hat, joke and novelty” is enough, but it’s not. I need pictures of the novelties. I am quite particular about my novelties. Not just any plastic crap will do. It must be interesting plastic crap.
Eventually, after much hair-tearing, I discovered there was a Christmas warehouse in Sydney that is open all-year-round. Hallejulah! So I dragged the Sprogs there on pupil-free day to examine the dusty merchandise. Strangely, we were the only people in the store. What is with the people of Sydney? It’s Christmas In July! Celebrate!
So we got some acceptable crackers/bon-bons, for just $15.95 for 12. I also snapped up a bargain basement plastic wreath for the front door. We ooohed and aaahed at the giant blow-up Santas and plastic polar bears wearing hats and scarves. I denied the Sprogs pleas to buy them.
Then I saw the Santa toilet seat cover. It was love at first sight. You probably can’t see from the photo, but the little mat says “Santa sat here” and has boot prints. It would be perfect if it actually fitted the toilet seat lid, but it’s designed for your standard oval. So I will need to get busy with some elastic and a needle and thread before Saturday.
I had a lovely time at Toys R Us about a month ago choosing under-$4 secret Santa gifts for all the kids attending. Husband has been tasked with erecting the Christmas tree on Saturday morning. I have my favourite Disney Characters Sing Christmas Carols CD on standby …
Yes, I am slightly mad.
But it should be fun. Especially after lots of egg nog.
DO YOU EVER DO THE CHRISTMAS IN JULY THING? HAVE YOU SERVED TURKEY SAUSAGES?